RAY. After I killed them,
I dropped the gun
in the Thames,
washed the residue
off me hands in the
bathroom of a Burger King,
and walked home
to await instructions.
Shortly thereafter,
the instructions
came through.
"Get the f**k out of London,
youse dumb f**ks.
"Get to Bruges."
I didn't even know
where Bruges f**king was.
It's in Belgium.
RAY. Bruges is a shithole.
KEN. Bruges is
not a shithole.
Bruges is a shithole.
Ray, we've only
just got off
the f**king train.
Could we reserve judgment
on Bruges until we've seen
the f**king place?
I know it's gonna be
a shithole.
(EXHALES)
(SOFTLY) Shithole.
(BELL DINGS)
I think you have
a couple of rooms booked
under Cranham and Blakely?
Yes. No, we have
one room booked.
One twin room.
Booked for two weeks.
Two weeks!
Do you have
another room?
No, I'm afraid
we're fully booked.
With Christmas,
everywhere is fully booked.
Okay.
(SIGHS)
It's very pretty.
I'm not being funny,
we can't stay here.
We've got to stay here
until he rings.
Well, what if
he doesn't ring
for two weeks?
Then we stay here
for two weeks.
For two weeks?
In f**king Bruges?
In a room like this?
With you? No way!
Ray, I really don't
like to say this...
You really don't
like to say what?
Well... You know?
f**king bring that up.
Do you think
this is good?
Do I think what's good?
You know,
going round in a boat,
looking at stuff.
Yes, I do.
It's called "sightseeing."
Oh, look at that.
It's a former hospital.
From the 1100s.
Bruges is the most
well-preserved
medieval town
in the whole of
Belgium, apparently.
Coming up?
What's up there?
The view.
The view of what?
The view of down here?
I can see that from down here.
Ray, you're about
the worst tourist
in the whole world.
Ken, I grew up in Dublin.
I love Dublin.
If I'd grown up on a farm
and was retarded,
Bruges might impress me.
But I didn't,
so it doesn't.
(HUMMING)
Trying to get rid
of me coins.
3, 3.50, 4,
4.10, 4.20, 4.30,
4.40, 4.50, 4.60,
4.70,
4.80,
4.90.
Will you take 4.90?
Entry is 5 euro.
Come on, man,
it's only 10 cents.
Entry is 5 euro.
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Happy in your work?
Very happy.
(SIGHS)
I like it here.
(IMITATES GUN FIRING)
MAN: Been to the top
of the tower?
Yeah. Yeah, it's rubbish.
It is? The guidebook says
it's a "must-see".
Well, you lot
ain't going up there.
Pardon me? Why?
I mean, it's all windy stairs.
I'm not being funny.
What exactly are you
trying to say?
What exactly
am I trying to say?
Youse are a bunch
of f**king elephants!
Right, you...
Come on, leave it, fatty.
(PANTING)
You know, you're just
the rudest man.
The rudest man!
What's all that about?
They're not going up there.
Hey, guys,
I wouldn't go up there.
It's really narrow.
Screw you, motherfucker!
Americans, isn't it?
Now, this is more like it.
Proper holidays.
One gay beer
for my gay friend,
and one normal beer for me,
because I am normal.
(SIGHS)
This is the life.
We're not staying here
getting pissed.
We are quietly sightseeing,
like he says,
and awaiting his call
to see what we do next.
This is my vote
on what we should do.
We give it another day,
two days, max.
Then we check
the papers again, and if
there's still nothing in them,
we phone him and say,
"Harry, thank you
for the trip to Bruges,
"it's been very nice,
all the old buildings
and that,
"but we're coming back
to London now, and hide out
in a proper country,
"where it isn't all just
f**king chocolates."
My vote would be
we quietly sightsee,
like he says,
and await his call
to see what we do next.
You don't even know
we're here hiding out.
What are you talking about?
You don't even know
we're not here on a job.
What, on a job?
Yeah.
Here in Bruges?
Yeah.
Here in Bruges, on a job?
Yeah.
Why? What did he
actually say?
He didn't actually
say anything.
Then why do you think
it might be?
I don't think anything.
But it's a bit f**king
over-elaborate, isn't it?
"Go take him to hide out."
"Go take him to
hide out where?"
"Go take him to hide out
in f**king Bruges."
You can hide out
in Croydon.
Hmm.
Or Coventry.
Hmm.
It is a bit
over-elaborate.
Hmm.
But we haven't
got any guns.
Harry can get guns anywhere.
(BELL TOLLING)
He's not gonna ring tonight.
(SIGHS)
He's not gonna ring tonight.
Let's go out.
Go out where?
The pub.
No!
Let's go out
and have a look
at some of the...
All the old medieval
buildings and that.
Because I bet they look
even better at night,
all lit up.
Yes!
That there is called
the Gruuthuse Museum.
They all have
funny names,
don't they?
Yes, Flemish.
In here it says,
"The Belgians twice sheltered
fugitive English Kings
"from being murdered,
1471 and 1651."
I used to hate history,
didn't you?
It's all just a load of stuff
that's already happened.
What are they
doing over there?
They're filming something.
They're filming midgets!
Ray!
MAN: So, on this scene,
you're supposed to walk like
a little, tiny mouse, yeah?
Okay? Great.
Ray, come on, let's go.
My arse, "Let's go."
They're filming midgets.
Oh, my God!
Look at that girl.
She's gorgeous!
Ray, we're going
right now.
f**k off, are we!
This is the best bit
of Bruges so far.
You and your buildings.
Hello.
Do you speak English?
No.
Yes, you do.
Everybody does.
What are you
filming midgets for?
It's a Dutch movie.
It's a dream sequence.
It's a pastiche of
Nicholas Roeg's
Don't Look Now.
Not a pastiche, but a...
A "homage" is too strong.
A "nod of the head"?
Wow, your English
is very good.
A lot of midgets
tend to kill themselves.
A disproportionate amount.
Herv Villechaize,
off of Fantasy Island.
I think somebody
off The Time Bandits.
I suppose they must
get really sad about, like,
being really
little and that.
People looking at them
and laughing at them.
Calling them names.
You know, "shortarse."
There's another famous
midget I'm missing,
but I can't remember.
It's not the R2-D2 man.
No, he's still going.
I hope your midget
doesn't kill himself. Your
dream sequence will be fucked.
He doesn't like
being called a midget.
He prefers "dwarf."
Well, this is
exactly my point!
People go around calling
you a midget when you
want to be called a dwarf.
Of course you're
gonna blow your head off!
My name's Ray. What's yours?
Chloe.
How did you get past
the security man?
Getting past security men,
it's sort of my job.
You're a shoplifter?
(CHUCKLES) No,
not a shoplifter.
It's a good joke, though.
No.
I'll tell you what I am
at dinner tomorrow night.
(CHUCKLING)
f**k.
How f**king cool.
Mr. Blakely?
Yes. No, Mr. Cranham.
No. Yes. Mr. Blakely. Yes.
You have a message.
s**t!
HARRY. Number one,
why aren't you in when
I f**king told you to be in?
Number two, why doesn't
this hotel have phones
with f**king voicemail
and not I have to leave
messages with the
f**king receptionist?
Number three, you better
f**king be in tomorrow night
when I f**king call again
or there'll be f**king
Hell to pay, I'm f**king
telling you. Harry.
(DOOR LOCK TURNING)
Would you turn
the f**king light off!
Sorry, Ken.
Keep the f**king
noise down!
Someone's in a mood.
(SOFTLY) You'll
never guess what.
Will you shut your
f**king mouth, please,
and go to sleep?
Oh, sorry.
Except I've gotta take me
contact lenses out.
Altogether,
I had
five pints of beer
and six bottles.
No. Six pints of beer
and seven bottles.
And you know what?
I'm not even pissed!
You'll never guess what, Ken.
Ken, you'll never guess what.
What?
Got a date for
tomorrow night.
I'm very happy for you.
With a girl.
Can you turn
the light off, please?
Only been in Bruges one day,
got a date with a girl
in the film business,
the Belgian film business.
They're doing a film
about a midget.
Miss?
Marie?
Sorry about the message
last night. The man who
left it is a bit of a...
Well, he's a bit of a...
c**k?
Yes. He's a bit of a c**k.
Morning.
Harry called last night.
We missed him.
Jeez, he swears a lot,
doesn't he?
We're staying in tonight.
Whatever happens.
Hmm.
Except...
Hmm.
Hmm.
Except "hmm" what?
Except only one of us
needs to stay in, really.
Uh-huh.
And which one of us
would that be, now, Ray?
I thought you
didn't like Bruges.
I don't like Bruges,
it's a shithole.
But I did already say
I had a date with
a Belgian lady
in the Belgian film business,
which I did already
say about before.
Just don't get into
any f**king trouble.
We're keeping a low profile.
And this morning,
and this afternoon,
we are doing
what I want to do.
Got it?
Of course.
Which, I presume,
will involve culture.
Oh, we shall strike a balance
between culture and fun.
Somehow I believe, Ken,
that the balance shall tip
in the favor of culture.
Like a big, fat,
f**king retarded,
f**king black girl
on a seesaw, opposite
a dwarf.
(DRAGGING FEET)
(SOFTLY) Ray, did we
or did we not agree
that if I let you
go on your date tonight,
we'd do the things
I wanted to do today?
We are doing the things
that you wanted to do today.
And that we'd do them
without you throwing
a f**king moody,
like some 5-year-old
who's dropped
all his sweets?
I didn't agree to that.
I'll cheer up.
I'll cheer up.
Up there,
the top altar,
is a phial
brought back by
a Flemish knight from the
Crusades in the Holy Land.
And that phial,
do you know what
it's said to contain?
No, what's it
said to contain?
It's said to contain
some drops of
Jesus Christ's blood.
Yeah, that's how
this church got its name.
Basilica of the Holy Blood.
Yeah. Yeah.
And this blood, right,
though it's dried blood,
at different times
over many years, they say
it turned back into liquid.
Turned back into liquid
from dried blood.
At various times of great
stress.
Yeah?
Yeah.
So, yeah, I'm gonna go up
in the queue and touch it,
which is what you do.
Yeah?
Yeah. You coming?
Do I have to?
Do you have to?
Of course you
don't have to.
It's Jesus' f**king blood,
isn't it? Of course you
don't f**king have to!
Of course you don't
f**king have to!
You little f**king cu*t.
(SIGHS)
RAY. Murder, Father.
PRIEST. Why did you
murder someone, Raymond?
For money, Father.
For money?
You murdered
someone for money?
Yes, Father.
Not out of anger,
not out of nothing.
For money.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Who did you murder
for money, Raymond?
You, Father.
I'm sorry?
I said you, Father.
What, are you deaf?
Harry Waters says hello.
The little boy.
RAY: I quite like this one.
All the rest were
rubbish by spastics,
but this one's quite good.
What's that
all about, then?
It's Judgment Day,
you know?
Oh, yeah.
What's that then?
Well, it's, you know,
the final day on Earth.
When mankind will be
judged for all the crimes
they've committed and that.
And see who gets
into Heaven and who gets
into Hell and all that?
Yeah.
And what's the other place?
Purgatory.
Purgatory?
Purgatory's kind of like
the in-betweeny one.
You weren't really s**t,
but you weren't
all that great, either.
Like Tottenham.
Do you believe
in all that stuff, Ken?
About Tottenham?
The Last Judgment
and the afterlife.
Guilt and sins and
Hell and all that?
Um...
Well...
KEN: I don't know, Ray.
I don't know what I believe.
The things you're
taught as a child, they never
really leave you, do they?
So, like,
I believe in trying
to lead a good life.
Like, if there's an old lady,
carrying her shopping home,
I don't try and help her
carry her shopping,
I don't go that far,
but I'll certainly hold the
door open for her and that,
and let her go out before me.
Yeah. And anyway,
if you tried to help her
carry her shopping,
she'd probably think
you were just trying
to nick her shopping.
Exactly.
This is the world
we live in today.
At the same time
as trying to lead
a good life,
I have to reconcile myself
with the fact that, yes,
I have killed people.
Not many people.
Most of them were
not very nice people.
Apart from one person.
Who's that?
This fellow,
Danny Aliband's brother.
He was just trying
to protect his brother.
Like you or I would.
He was just a lollipop man.
He came at me with a bottle.
What are you gonna do?
I shot him down.
Hmm.
In my book, though,
sorry, someone comes
at you with a bottle,
that is a deadly weapon,
he's gotta take
the consequences.
I know that in my heart.
I also know that he was
just trying to protect
his brother, you know?
I know. But a bottle,
that can kill you.
It's a case of
it's you or him.
If he'd come at you
with his bare hands,
that'd be different.
That wouldn't
have been fair.
Well, technically,
your bare hands
can kill somebody, too.
They can be
deadly weapons, too. I mean,
what if he knew karate, say?
You said he was
a lollipop man.
He was a lollipop man.
What's a lollipop man doing
knowing f**king karate?
I'm just saying.
How old was he?
About 50.
What's a 50-year-old
lollipop man doing
knowing f**king karate?
What was he,
a Chinese lollipop man?
Jesus, Ken,
I'm trying to
talk about...
I know what you're
trying to talk about.
I killed a little boy.
You keep bringing up
f**king lollipop men!
You didn't mean
to kill a little boy.
I know I didn't mean to.
But because of the choices
I made and the course
that I put into action,
a little boy
isn't here anymore.
And he'll never
be here again.
I mean here in the world,
not here in Belgium.
Well, he'll never be
here in Belgium,
either, will he?
I mean, he might have
wanted to come here
when he got older.
I don't know why.
(SIGHS)
And that's all because of me.
He's dead because of me.
And I'm trying to...
I'm trying to
get me head around it,
but I can't.
I will always have
killed that little boy.
That ain't ever
going away. Ever.
Unless...
Maybe I go away.
Don't even think like that.
(EXHALES)
You look good.
What's it matter anyway?
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
So, what do you do, Raymond?
I shoot people for money.
(SCOFFS)
What kinds of people?
Priests. Children.
You know, the usual.
Is there a lot of money
to be made in that
line of business?
There is in priests.
There isn't in children.
So what is it
you do, Chloe?
I sell cocaine and heroin
to Belgian film crews.
Do you?
Do I look like I do?
You do, actually.
(CHUCKLING)
Do I look like
I shoot people?
No.
Just children.
Mmm-hmm.
I saw your midget today.
Little prick didn't
even say hello.
Well, he's on
a lot of ketamine.
What's that?
Horse tranquilizer.
A horse tranquilizer?
Where'd he get that?
I sold it to him.
You can't sell
horse tranquilizers
to a midget!
This movie,
I think it's gonna be
a very good one.
There's never been
a classic movie made
in Bruges until now.
Of course there hasn't,
it's a shithole.
Bruges is my hometown, Ray.
Well, it's still a shithole.
It's not a shithole.
What? Even midgets have to
take drugs to stick it.
Okay.
So, you've insulted
my hometown.
You're doing
very well, Raymond.
Why don't you tell me
some Belgian jokes
while you're at it?
I don't know
any Belgian jokes.
And if I did,
I think I'd have
the good sense not to...
Hey, hang on. Is Belgium
where there were all those
child abuse murders lately?
Then I do know
a Belgian joke.
What's Belgium famous for?
Chocolates and child abuse.
And they only invented
the chocolates to
get to the kids.
What?
One of the girls
they murdered was
a friend of mine.
(SIGHS)
I'm sorry, Chloe.
One of the girls
they murdered wasn't
a friend of mine.
I just wanted to
make you feel bad.
And it worked.
Quite well.
f**king unbelievable.
What's f**king
unbelievable?
Are you talking to me?
(SOFTLY) He pauses,
even though he should
just hit the cu*t.
And he repeats.
Yes, I am talking to you.
What's f**king unbelievable?
Well, I'll tell you what's
f**king unbelievable, shall I?
Blowing cigarette smoke
straight into myself
and my girlfriend's face.
That's f**king unbelievable!
This is the smoking section.
I don't care if it's
the smoking section.
All right?
She directed it
right in my face, man.
I don't wanna die just because
of your f**king arrogance.
Uh-huh.
Isn't that what the
Vietnamese used to say?
Vietnamese? What are you
talking about, the Vietnamese?
That statement makes
no f**king sense at all.
Yes it does.
The Vietnamese!
Well, saying it over
and over ain't gonna make
any more sense out of it.
How does the Vietnamese
have any relevance whatsoever
to myself and my girlfriend
having to breathe
your friend's
cigarette smoke?
Tell me how saying...
That's for John Lennon,
you Yankee f**king cu*t!
A bottle? No, don't bother.
(GROANS)
We're leaving.
I don't hit women!
I would never
hit a woman, Chloe!
I'd hit a woman
who was trying to
hit me with a bottle!
That's different.
That's self-defense,
isn't it?
Or a woman
who could do karate.
I'd never hit
a woman generally, Chloe.
Don't think that.
God, you're pretty.
I have to make a call.
Oh, no.
You've gone off me, now,
haven't you? Just because
I hit that f**king cow.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
HARRY. Where the f**k
were you yesterday?
We just popped out for
some dinner, Harry. We only
popped out for half an hour.
Yeah? What'd you have?
For dinner?
Yeah.
Pizza, at Pizza Hut.
Was it nice?
Yeah, it was all right.
I don't know.
It was Pizza Hut.
The same as in England.
Well, that's globalization,
isn't it? Is Ray
there with you?
He's in the toilet.
Can he hear?
No.
What's he doing?
What do you mean?
Is he doing a wee or a poo?
I don't know, Harry,
the door's closed.
Send him out on an errand
for half an hour, but don't
make it sound suspicious.
(SIGHS)
Ray? Why don't you
go out down to the pub
for half an hour?
Yeah, yeah, I know
I said you couldn't,
but might as well
enjoy ourselves, eh?
No, I don't know if
they've got bowling anywhere.
Could have a look.
Yeah, see you.
Yeah. He's gone.
What'd you say to him?
I said, "Why don't you go
have a drink, you say
you've been cooped up?"
What did he say?
Said, yeah, he would.
And he might go have
a look to see if there's
a bowling alley around.
Was he just having a wee?
Yeah, I think so.
I assume so.
Sure he didn't mind?
No, he was glad
to get out.
He's definitely gone?
Yeah, yeah,
he slammed the door.
That don't mean he's gone.
Go check outside the door.
Harry, he's definitely gone.
You realize there are no
bowling alleys in Bruges?
I realize that, Harry.
The boy wanted to
have a look anyway.
What are they gonna have,
a medieval f**king
bowling alley?
As I say, I think
he was just glad
to get out and about.
So, is he having
a nice time, seeing
all the canals and that?
I had a lovely time
when I was there.
All the canals and the
old buildings and that.
When were you here?
When I was seven.
Last happy holiday
I f**king had.
Have you been on
a canal trip, yet?
Yeah.
Have you been down,
like, all the old
cobbled streets and that?
Yeah.
It's like a fairytale,
isn't it, that place?
Yeah.
With the churches and that.
They're Gothic.
Yeah.
Is it Gothic?
Yeah.
So he's having
a really nice time?
Well, I'm having
a really nice time.
I'm not sure if it's
really his cup of tea.
What?
You know, I'm not sure
if it's really his thing.
What do you mean,
"It's not really his thing"?
What's that supposed to mean,
"It's not really his thing"?
What the f**k is that
supposed to mean?
Nothing, Harry.
It's a fairytale
f**king town, isn't it?
How can a fairytale town
not be somebody's
f**king thing?
How can all those canals
and bridges and cobbled
streets and those churches,
all that beautiful
f**king fairytale stuff,
how can that not be
somebody's f**king thing, eh?
What I think
I meant to say was...
Is the swan still there?
Yeah, the swan's...
How can f**king swans
not f**king be somebody's
f**king thing, eh?
How can that be?
What I think
I meant to say was,
when he first arrived,
he wasn't quite sure about it.
You know, there's that big,
dual carriageway when you
get off the train?
It mightn't have been
here when you were
here last, Harry.
Well, as soon as he got into,
like, the old town proper,
and he saw the canals
and the bridges and,
you know, the swans and that,
well, he just
f**king loved it then.
Couldn't get enough of it,
the medieval part of town.
It was just that initial,
dual carriageway thing sort of
put him off for a second.
Don't know if I remember
a dual carriageway.
Must be recent.
Hasn't spoilt it, has it?
No, no, no,
it's just that
initial thing.
And you know what?
As we were walking
through the streets,
there was this sort of
freezing fog hanging
over everything,
and it made it
look almost like
a fairytale or something.
And he turned to me,
do you know what he said?
What'd he say?
He said, "Ken, I know
I'm awake, but I feel
like I'm in a dream."
Yeah? He said that?
Yeah.
Meaning, like,
in a good dream?
Yeah. Of course,
like in a good dream.
Oh, good. I'm glad
he likes it there.
I'm glad we were able
to give him something.
Something good and happy.
Because he wasn't
a bad kid, was he?
Huh?
He wasn't a bad kid,
was he?
Listen, take down
this address.
Raamstraat 17.
That's "Raam," like "Ram,"
but with an extra "a."
Raamstraat 17.
You got that?
Yes, Raamstraat 17.
Good. There'll be a man
there tomorrow morning
at 9.00, his name's Yuri.
Yuri.
He'll give you the gun.
Ring me on the public phone
at Jimmy Driscoll's
about 3.00 or 4.00 tomorrow,
after it's done.
After what's done?
Are you being thick?
No.
Listen, I like Ray.
He was a good bloke,
but when it all comes
down to it, you know,
he blew the head off
a little f**king kid.
And you brought him in, Ken.
So if the buck
don't stop with him,
where does it stop?
Ken?
If the buck
don't stop with him,
where does it stop?
It stops with me, Harry.
That's an easy one.
Look, don't get shirty, Ken.
Listen, I'm just glad that
I was able to do something
for the boy before he went.
Do what for the boy?
You know, have him
get to see Bruges.
I'd like to go to see
Bruges again before I die.
What was it he said
again about... Yeah,
"It's like a dream."
"I know I'm awake,
but I feel like
I'm in a dream."
Yeah.
Give me a call
when he's dead.
(GASPS)
That's my f**king girlfriend,
you a**hole.
Eirik, what are you doing?
Where are you from, f**ker?
Ireland, originally.
And you think it's okay
to come over to Belgium
and f**k another man's girl?
Look, I didn't know
she had a boyfriend,
all right?
And I haven't fucked her,
anyway. Ask her.
I'd only put me hand on it.
Eirik, put the gun down!
Get down on your knees
and open your mouth.
Don't start being silly.
Get down on your...
Exactly at what point
was it that all skinheads
suddenly became poofs?
Used to be,
you were a skinhead,
you just went around
beating up
Pakistani 12-year-olds.
Now it seems a prerequisite
to be a f**king bum-boy!
That's not gonna
help you, man.
Ray, there's only
blanks in that gun.
Eirik, don't!
Now who's the
f**king bum-boy?
You, you f**king bum-boy!
(GROANING)
Chloe, what exactly
is going on here?
I can't see!
I can't see!
Of course you can't
f**king see! I just shot
a blank in your f**king eyes!
Is this fella your boyfriend?
No. I mean, he used to be.
Well, what's he doing here?
We... We rob tourists,
sometimes.
I f**king knew
it was too good
to be true!
I knew you'd have never
shagged me, normally.
No! That's not true, I...
I called it off tonight.
I told him not
to come tonight.
Why did you come tonight?
EIRIK: Chloe,
I can't see,
I swear it!
Stop whingeing
like a big gay baby.
I haven't had
a shag in months!
I can't see out of this eye,
Chloe! I have to go
to the hospital!
I'll drive you.
Great! Now the whole
night's ruined!
No!
You can stay if you want.
I just don't know
how long I'll be.
I just knew someone like you
would never like
someone like me.
I just knew.
What do you mean,
someone like me?
You know, someone nice.
Call me. Please.
EIRIK: Chloe!
Cha-ching!
(MUMBLES)
Have you got some
sort of problem?
No, no problem.
Four beers
in 20 minutes.
No problem.
f**k off.
JIMMY: Beer and a red wine.
I'll be back.
How's the movie going?
It's a jumped-up
Eurotrash piece of
rip-off f**king bulls**t.
Like, in a bad way?
Your girlfriend's
very pretty.
She ain't my girlfriend.
She's a prostitute
I just picked up.
Didn't know there were
any prostitutes in Bruges.
You just have to look
in the right places.
Brothels are good.
Well, you've picked up
a very pretty prostitute.
Thank you.
You from the States?
Yeah.
But don't hold it
against me.
I'll try not to.
Just try not to say
anything too loud or crass.
Hey-ho. Drowning
your sorrows, huh?
What sorrows?
You know, being a sad,
old, ugly little man.
One gay beer, please.
How'd your date go?
My date involved
two instances of
extreme violence.
One instance of her hand
on my c**k and my finger
up her thing,
which lasted all too briefly.
Isn't that always the way?
One instance of me
stealing five grams of
her very-high-quality cocaine,
and one instance of me
blinding a poofy
little skinhead.
So, all in all,
my evening pretty much
balanced out fine.
You got five grams of coke?
I've got four grams on me
and one gram in me,
which is why me heart
is going like the clappers,
as if I'm about to
have a heart attack.
So if I collapse
any minute now, please
remember to tell the doctors
that it might have something
to do with the coke.
Give us a gram, then.
I thought you were
laying off, because
it makes you depressed?
You know what?
Right now, I don't
really give a f**k.
Why didn't you wave
hello to me today when
I waved hello to you today?
I was on a very strong
horse tranquilizer today.
I wasn't waving
hello to anybody,
except maybe to a horse.
Huh? What are you
talking about?
Just horseshit.
You from America?
Yeah. But don't
hold it against me.
Well, that's for me
to decide, isn't it?
Are you from America, too?
No, I'm from Amsterdam.
(SCOFFS) Amsterdam.
Amsterdam is just
a load of bloody
prostitutes, isn't it?
Yes. That's why
I came to Bruges.
I thought I'd get
a better price
for my p*s*y here.
Huh?
You two are weird.
Would you like some cocaine?
I've also got some
acid and some ecstasy.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Herv Villechaize,
I know, did.
The dwarf off, I think,
The Time Bandits, did.
Lots of midgets...
Dwarves, top themselves.
Hmm. Shitloads.
Would you ever
think about it?
Huh?
Would you ever think about
killing yourself because
you're a midget?
f**k, man!
What kind of
question is that?
We're just chatting,
aren't we?
See, Ken, this is
the kind of hotel
Harry should have put us in.
A five-star,
with prostitutes in.
You know, sometimes,
I think Harry doesn't even
give a s**t about us at all.
Has he still not called?
No. Still hasn't called.
No news is good news, eh?
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
RAY: Hmm.
Who's she?
JIMMY: There's gonna be
a war, man.
I can see it.
There's gonna be a war
between the blacks
and between the whites.
You ain't even gonna need
a uniform no more.
This ain't gonna be a war
where you pick your side.
Your side's already
picked for you.
And I know whose side
I'm fighting on.
I'm fighting with the blacks.
The whites are gonna get
their heads kicked in!
JIMMY: You don't decide
this s**t, man.
Well, who are
the half-castes
gonna fight with?
The blacks, man.
That's obvious.
But what about
the Pakistanis?
The blacks.
What about...
Think of a hard one.
What about the Vietnamese?
The blacks!
Well, I'm definitely
fighting with the blacks
if they've got the Vietnamese.
So, hang on.
Would all of the
white midgets in
the world be fighting
against all the black
midgets in the world?
Yeah.
That would make a good film!
You don't know how much s**t
I've had to take off
of black midgets, man.
That's...
Undeniably true.
See, Jimmy,
my wife was black.
And I loved her very much.
And in 1976,
she was murdered
by a white man.
So, where the f**k
am I supposed to stand
in all this blood and carnage?
Did they get
the guy who did it?
A friend of mine got him.
Harry Waters got him.
So tell me, Jim,
whose side do I fight
on in this wonderful war?
I think you need to
weigh up all your options
and let your
conscience decide, Ken.
Two manky hookers
and a racist dwarf.
I think I'm heading home.
Yeah. I think
I'll come with you.
What's...
Back off, shorty!
You don't know karate.
Don't say you didn't
have it coming.
Don't say you didn't
have it coming.
Shortarse!
Meeting Yuri.
Yes, I'm Yuri.
Mr. Waters said
that might be necessary.
There are a lot of alcoves
in the Koningin Astrid Park.
You use this word,
"alcoves"?
"Alcoves"? Yes. Sometimes.
There are not many
people around in these
alcoves in Christmastime.
If I were to murder a man,
I would murder him here.
Are you sure this is
the right word, "alcoves"?
"Alcoves," yes.
It's kind of like
"nooks and crannies."
"Nooks and crannies," yes.
Perhaps this would be
more accurate.
"Nooks and crannies,"
rather than "alcoves." Yeah.
You are going to do it,
aren't you? Mr. Waters
will be very disappointed...
Of course I'm going to
f**king do it.
It's what I do.
Your friend was behaving
rather oddly this morning.
Oddly? How?
Well, he asked me
about the baby, and if
I wanted a boy or a girl.
I said I didn't mind
as long as it's
healthy, of course.
But then he gave me 200 euros
to give to the baby.
I refused, obviously,
but he was quite insistent.
Would you give it
back to him when
you see him?
I don't want to appear
ungrateful, but it seemed
like all the money he had.
Do you know where he is now?
He said he was
going to the park.
Sorry, Ray.
I'm sorry.
Ray, don't!
f**king hell!
Where the f**k
did you come from?
I was behind the thing.
What the f**k are
you doing, Ray?
What the f**k
are you doing?
Nothing.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Oh, my God!
You were gonna kill me.
No, I wasn't.
You were gonna
kill yourself!
I'm allowed to.
No, you're not!
What?
I'm not allowed to
and you are?
How's that fair?
Can we go somewhere
and talk about this, please?
I wasn't gonna go
through with it, Ray.
You f**king looked like
you were gonna go
f**king through with it.
Where'd you get that gun?
A friend of Harry's.
f**k, man.
Let me see it.
Silencer, too.
Nice.
Mine's a bloody girl's gun.
I'm keeping it.
Pardon me?
Give me me gun back.
You're not getting it back.
You're a suicide case.
And you were
trying to shoot me
in the f**king head.
You're not getting
that gun back.
A great day this has
turned out to be.
I'm suicidal,
me mate tries
to kill me,
me gun gets nicked
and we're still
in f**king Bruges.
Listen, I'm gonna give you
some money and put you
on a train somewhere.
Back to England?
You can't go back
to England, Ray.
You'd be a dead man!
(CRYING) I want
to be a dead man.
Have you been
missing something?
You don't want to be
a dead man, Ray.
I killed a little boy!
Then save the
next little boy.
Just go away somewhere,
get out of this business
and try to do something good.
You're not gonna
help anybody dead.
You're not gonna
bring that boy back.
But you might save
the next one.
What am I gonna be,
a doctor?
You need exams.
Do anything, Ray.
Do anything.
RAY: What a wanker!
He said this whole trip,
this whole being
in Bruges thing,
was just to give you
one last, joyful memory
before you died.
In Bruges?
(LAUGHING)
The Bahamas, maybe.
Why f**king Bruges?
I suppose it's cheaper.
(WOMAN ANNOUNCING ON PA)
The rest of the acid
and the ecstasy.
Can I have me gun
back, please?
What am I gonna do, Ken?
What am I gonna do?
Just keep moving.
Keep on moving.
Try not to think about it.
Learn a new language, maybe?
Sure, I can
hardly do English.
That's one thing
I like about Europe, though.
You don't have to learn
any of their languages.
Just forget about
home for a while.
See how the land lies
in six years, seven years.
Seven years is not that long.
It's longer than
that boy got.
Me first f**king job.
Great hitman
I turned out to be.
Some people just aren't
cut out for it, Ray.
Are you?
When are you
going back to England?
I'll head back
in a couple of hours
or something.
Harry's not gonna be
mad at you, is he?
For letting me go?
I'll sort out Harry.
Just tell him I'll have
probably killed meself
in a fortnight, anyway.
You won't, will you, Ray?
Harry? It's Ken.
Listen to this noise.
Do you know what that is?
Yeah, I know
you know it's a train.
Do you know what train?
Well, it's a train that
Ray just got on, and
he's alive and he's well,
and he doesn't know
where he's going
and neither do I.
So if you need to
do your worst,
do your worst.
You've got the
address of the hotel.
I'll be here waiting.
Because I've got to quite
like Bruges, now.
It's like a f**king
fairytale or something.
(PHONE BANGING)
Harry.
Harry!
What?
It's an inanimate
f**king object.
You're an inanimate
f**king object!
(CLEARS THROAT)
Now, you lot be good
for your mummy
and lmamoto, okay?
'Cause Daddy's got to
go away for a few days.
Where are you going?
I've got to go to Bruges.
Bruges? Where's that?
It's in Belgium.
Why would anybody
have to go to Belgium?
'Cause I've got to
sort something out.
Is it something
to do with the phone?
It's something
to do with Ken.
It's a matter of honor.
Well, it ain't gonna
be dangerous, is it?
Well, of course it's
gonna be dangerous if it's
a matter of f**king honor!
You are bringing
the fellas with you?
Tell me you're bringing
the fellas with you.
Harry.
I'm sorry for calling you
an inanimate object.
I was upset.
(TRAIN BRAKES SCREECHING)
You're Irish?
Yes.
What is your name?
Derek Perlurrl.
You hit the Canadian.
You hit the Canadian.
I "heet" the Canadian?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
That's him!
That's the motherfucker.
You hit the Canadian, yeah?
Canadian? s**t.
(HANDCUFFS CLICKING)
We're taking you
back to Bruges.
Brilliant.
Aye aye.
YURl: Take your pick,
Mr. Waters.
(CHUCKLES) An Uzi?
I'm not from South Central
Los f**king Angeles.
I didn't come here to shoot
20 black 10-year-olds
in a f**king drive-by.
I want a normal gun
for a normal person.
I knew he wouldn't
kill the guy.
I could see it in his eyes
when I was telling him
about the alcoves.
About the what?
The alcoves.
The alcoves in the
Koningin Astrid Park.
Oh, I also have
some dumdums.
You use this word,
"dumdums"? The bullets
that make the head explode?
Dumdums, yeah.
Would you like some
of these dumdums?
I know I shouldn't,
but I will.
Motherfucker.
Is he talking to me?
No, Eirik's
on your side,
Mr. Waters.
Your young friend
blinded him last night.
Ray did?
I was trying to rob him
and he took my gun from me.
And the gun
was full of blanks,
and he shot the blank
into my eye.
And now, I cannot see
from this eye ever again,
the doctors say.
Well, to be honest,
it sounds like
it was all your fault.
What?
I mean, basically, if you're
robbing a man and you're
only carrying blanks,
and you allow your gun
to be taken off you,
and you allow yourself
to be shot in the
eye with a blank,
for which I assume
the person has to get
quite close to you, then,
yeah, really,
it's all your fault
for being such a poof.
So why don't you
stop whingeing
and cheer the f**k up?
YURl: Eirik, I really
wouldn't respond.
I thought you wanted
the guy dead?
I do want the guy dead.
I want him f**king crucified.
But it don't change the fact
that he stitched you up like
a blind, little gay boy.
Does it?
Thanks for the gun, Yuri.
Well?
The boy is suicidal, Harry.
He's a walking dead man.
Keeps going on
about Hell and purgatory...
When I phoned you
yesterday, did I ask you,
"Ken, will you do me
a favor and become
Ray's psychiatrist, please?"
No. What I think I asked you
was, "Could you go blow
his f**king head off for me?"
"He's suicidal"?
I'm suicidal. You're suicidal.
Everybody's f**king suicidal!
We don't all keep
going on about it!
Has he killed himself yet?
No. So he's not
f**king suicidal, is he?
He put a loaded gun
to his head this morning.
I stopped him.
He... What?
This gets f**king worse!
We were down in the park...
Let me get this right.
You were down in the park?
What's that got to do
with f**king anything?
Let me get this right.
Not only have you
refused to kill the boy,
you've even stopped the boy
from killing himself,
which would have
solved my problem,
which would have
solved your problem,
which sounds like
it would've solved
the boy's problem.
It wouldn't have
solved his problem.
Ken, if I had
killed a little kid,
accidentally or otherwise,
I wouldn't have
thought twice.
I'd have killed myself
on the f**king spot.
On the f**king spot.
I'd have stuck
the gun in me mouth
on the f**king spot!
That's you, Harry.
The boy has the
capacity to change.
The boy has the capacity
to do something
decent with his life.
Excuse me, Ken.
I have the capacity
to change.
Yeah, you do.
You've the capacity
to get f**king worse!
Yeah, now I'm
getting down to it!
Harry, let's face it.
And I'm not being funny,
I mean no disrespect,
but you're a cu*t.
You're a cu*t now,
you've always been a cu*t.
And the only thing that's
gonna change is you're gonna
become an even bigger cu*t.
Maybe have some
more cu*t kids.
Leave my kids
f**king out of it.
What have they done?
You f**king retract that bit
about my cu*t f**king kids!
I retract that bit about
your cu*t f**king kids.
Insulting my f**king kids!
That's going overboard, mate!
I retracted it, didn't I?
Still leaves you
being a cu*t.
Yeah, I f**king got that.
Where's Ray now?
Oh, right about now,
Ray is in one or other
of the one million towns in
mainland Europe it's possible
to be in, other than here.
(DOOR SHUTS)
I'll get all the money
back to you soon as I
get through to me friend.
It's not a problem,
Raymond.
And I'll get all your acid
and your ecstasy
back to you, too.
English humor!
I'm assuming you've
got your gun on you.
That Yuri bloke's
a funny fella, isn't he?
He does yoga.
"The alcoves."
Was he going on
to you about the alcoves?
(CHUCKLES)
"The alcoves
in the Koningin Astrid Park."
(SNIFFLES)
Harry, I know you gotta do
what you gotta do.
It's a bit crowded
round here, you know?
Well, I'm not gonna
have a shootout
in the middle of a thousand
f**king Belgians, am I?
Not to mention
the other nationalities,
just on their holidays.
Hmm.
To see the swans
and the Gothic and all
the fairytale stuff, eh?
Are you trying to
f**king wind me up?
No, Harry.
On top of calling me a cu*t
and calling me kids cu*ts.
I might just have to
f**king shoot you right here.
Christ!
Let's go up the bell tower.
Be quiet up there
this time of evening.
Let's go up there.
Yeah. Canadians.
I feel a bit bad.
They didn't kill
John Lennon, did they?
Anyway, supposed to turn up
to court here in two days.
Are you going to turn up?
Don't know.
What have I got to
stay for really?
The most beautiful woman
you've ever seen
in all of your stupid life.
The tower is closed
this evening.
No way. It's supposed
to be open till 7:00.
The tower is usually
open until 7:00.
Yesterday an American
had a heart attack
up the tower.
Today the tower is closed.
Here, cranky, here's
100 for you. We're only
gonna be 20 minutes.
The tower is closed
this evening.
Understand, Englishman?
(GROANING)
(CHUCKLES)
Jimmy, I've been
wanting to say
I'm really sorry for
karate-chopping you
the other night.
That was way out of order.
You know, Ray, I'd find it
easier to believe and
forgive you, somehow,
if the two of you weren't
laughing straight
in my f**king face!
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
It's for the
goddamn movie, man.
It is a nice town, Harry.
I'm glad I got to see it.
I didn't mean to be
taking the piss out of it
being a fairytale place.
It is a fairytale place.
It really is.
Hmm.
It's just a shame
it's in Belgium, really.
But then you figure
if it wasn't in Belgium,
if it was somewhere good,
there'd be too many people
coming to see it. It would
spoil the whole thing.
Well, I'm glad
I got to see it
before I died.
What are you doing?
What are you
f**king doing?
I'm not fighting
anymore, Harry.
All right, then I'm blowing
your f**king head off.
Don't come over all Gandhi.
What are you f**king doing?
Ken, stop messing
about, please.
Pick up your gun.
I know I'm going
to beat you anyway
'cause you're a spaz, but...
Harry,
I'm totally in your debt.
The things that have
gone between us in the past,
I love you
unreservedly
for all that.
What?
For your integrity.
For your honor.
I love you.
The boy had to be let go.
The boy had to be
given a chance.
And if to do that,
I had to say, "f**k you,
and f**k what I owe you,
"and f**k everything
that's gone on between us,"
then that's what I had to do.
But I'm not fighting you.
And I accept, totally,
everything you've got to do.
I accept it. Totally.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Well, you say all that
f**king stuff, I can't
f**king shoot you now, can I?
It's entirely
up to you, Harry.
It's entirely your call.
All I'm saying is
I'm not fighting.
Oh, you f**king cu*t!
Look, I'm not gonna
do nothing to you
just 'cause you're
standing about like
Robert f**king Powell.
Like who?
Like Robert f**king Powell
out of Jesus of
f**king Nazareth!
My f**king leg!
The psycho dwarf
turns out to just be
a loveable little schoolboy,
and it's all some kind of
Boschian nightmare.
Kiss my a**!
I guess at least there
weren't any black people
involved, eh, Jimmy?
I wasn't...
I wasn't talking about...
There's gonna be a war
between all the blacks
and all the whites.
And all the black midgets
and all the white midgets,
which would actually
be really good.
That's just cocaine.
He didn't even want
the Vietnamese on his side!
That's just cocaine.
Listen, we're filming
down by the pointy
building tonight.
It might actually be
good for once.
You guys should come along.
We... I think we're just
gonna have a quiet one
tonight, Jimmy.
That's how it is!
In another life.
They're great,
aren't they?
You didn't. You didn't!
(GRUNTING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Mr. Waters? Mr. Waters?
Who's that?
It's Eirik.
The blind boy?
Yeah.
Yes.
What do you f**king want?
The guy you're looking for,
the guy Ray,
he's downstairs
at the bar.
(GRUNTING)
I'm sorry, Ken.
But you can't kill
a kid and expect to
get away with it.
You just can't.
Where?
To the left when you come out.
The bar to the left.
(GROANING)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
(COINS CLINKING)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Ken!
(GASPING)
Ken! Ken!
Harry's here.
What?
Take
my gun.
Ken?
Where's my gun?
Where's my gun?
I'm gonna die now, I think.
Oh, Ken!
Jesus!
(SCREAMING)
Mr. Blakely said
you had left.
I need the key
to the room right now.
Quickly, now!
And you gotta go
home right now. It's very,
very dangerous here.
All right? Go home!
Right now!
Okay.
MARIE: No, I won't let you
up there! Put that
gun away, right now!
HARRY: Lady, get out of
my f**king way, please.
No, I won't. I won't
get out of your way.
You'll have to
go through me.
Well, obviously,
I'm not gonna through you,
am I, with a baby and that?
I'm a nice person.
But could you just get out
of the f**king way, please?
Marie!
Just let him
come up, it's okay.
Harry, swear not to
start shooting until
she's left the hotel.
I swear not to start shooting
till she's left the hotel.
I totally swear.
Well, I'm not
going anywhere.
This is my hotel.
So you can f**k off!
I suppose you've got
a gun up there?
Yeah.
Then what are we gonna do?
We can't stand here all night.
Why don't you both
put your guns down
and go home?
Don't be stupid.
This is the shootout.
Harry, I've got an idea.
What?
My room faces
onto the canal, right?
I'm gonna go back to me room,
jump into the canal,
see if I can swim
to the other side
and escape.
Right.
If you go outside
and round the corner,
you can shoot at me
from there and try
and get me.
That way, we leave this lady
and her baby out of
the whole, entire thing.
Do you completely promise
to jump into the canal?
I don't want to
run out there,
come back in 10 minutes
and find you f**king
hiding in a cupboard.
I completely promise, Harry.
I'm not gonna risk
having another
little kid die, am I?
So, hang on, I go outside,
then I go which way,
right or left?
You go right,
don't you?
You can see it
from the doorway!
It's a big f**king canal!
All right. Jesus!
I've only just
got here, haven't I?
Okay. On a count of
"one, two, three, go," okay?
Okay.
What? Who says it?
Oh, you say it.
You guys are crazy.
Are you ready?
Ready.
Set?
Set.
One, two, three, go!
Keep driving!
No way. You're way
too far away.
(GROANING)
The little boy.
That's right, Ray.
The little boy.
Oh.
I see.
No, Harry.
He's not...
You've got to stick
to your principles.
RAY. There's a Christmas tree
somewhere in London
with a bunch of presents
underneath it that'll
never be opened.
And I thought,
"If I survive all this,
I'll go to that house,
"apologize to
the mother there,
"and accept whatever
punishment she chose for me."
Prison, death,
it didn't matter.
Because at least in prison
and at least in death,
you know,
I wouldn't be
in f**king Bruges.
But then, like a flash,
it came to me, and I realized,
"f**k, man, maybe
that's what Hell is.
"The entire rest of eternity
spent in f**king Bruges!"
And I really, really
hoped I wouldn't die.
I really, really
hoped I wouldn't die.