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Blade 3 Trinity
In the movies, Dracula wears a cape,
and some old English guy
always manages to save the day
at the last minute
with crosses and holy water.
But everybody knows
the movies are full of s**t.
The truth is it started with Blade,
and it ended with him.
The rest of us
were just along for the ride.
What's this chicken scratch?
It's cuneiform.
It's about 4,000 years old.
So why here?
Because this is the cradle of civilization.
He would've been comfortable here.
I don't know, Dan.
This seems like another dead end.
There's something beneath us.
You find a watch?
Is it a body?
Guys?
Aah!
Go! Aah!
What the f**k?!
Aah!
Tonight, Dr. Edgar Vance,
forensic psychiatrist
and author of the New York Times
bestseller Human Health,
The Whole Being Breakthrough.
Also with us, Martin Vreede,
Chief of Police.
They'll be here for the next hour,
and they'll be taking your calls,
next on Bently Tittle Live.
Okay, Dr. Vance.
You are a psychiatrist
and a biochemist. Isn't that true?
Yes, Bently. I am both.
And it's for a reason.
I have always believed
that true health can only be achieved
if we reconcile
the body and the mind.
And of course,
in order to do that,
we have to get rid
of a lot of old notions.
Okay. And... how's that
fit in with vampires?
In the case of vampires,
we're dealing with creatures that, uh,
are the repositories of some
of our most taboo thoughts.
- Okay.
- Predatory rage.
- Yeah.
- Sexual sadism.
- Sexual?
- Sexual sadism.
These are very scary subjects
for people to own up to,
and they're right inside.
So what you're saying is
we pass the buck onto someone else.
- You bet we do.
- And vampires...?
Well, for instance,
there's a hereditary blood disease.
I talk about it in my book.
It's called porphyria.
And the symptoms of this disease
are remarkably similar
to classic vampire traits.
The people who suffer
from this disease are anemic,
they become intolerant to sunlight,
they can't handle garlic--
Garlic?
Chief Vreede. Okay.
What's your take on all these rumors
we've been hearing about vampires?
Vampires, vampires. What?
The only vampires I'm worried about
are the ones passing the bar exam.
Seriously, though.
If vampires existed, don't you think
we would've found them by now?
The truth is our streets
have never been safer.
Homicide, assaults, violent crime
is down across the board.
If people want to be concerned,
they should focus in on characters
like this Blade criminal.
Now, that's the guy I wanna hear about.
I wanna hear about this character Blade.
What about him?
He's a sociopath
that we've been pursuing.
Blade is a troubled individual.
I understand that he is
under the impression
that there is a vast conspiracy
of vampires.
Now, you've got to look
at the psychiatric underpinnings
of a belief like that.
Odds are he believes
that he is out there slaying monsters.
- But what he's really doing...
- Mm-hmm.
...is trying to kill
aspects of himself.
Aah!
Aah!
Ah!
Aah!
I'm on the Stonebridge overpass.
Got it. Heading westbound.
I'm just beneath ya.
Go!
Aah!
Aah!
Come on!
I got him. Pull!
You all right, man?
He's got a gun!
Oh, my God!
Ouch.
Staked you with silver.
Why aren't you ash?
Why aren't you smarter?
Not a vampire, dumb s**t!
Set your sorry a** up.
Damn.
Oh, Blade.
What the f**k happen tonight?
How should I know?
He was human.
You're gettin' reckless, Blade.
Killing vampires is clean.
They ash-- don't leave
any evidence behind.
Killing humans is messy.
You better hope nobody ID'd you.
This worked really good.
What's this?
A new delivery system for your serum.
It's an effervescent inhaler.
Just bite down on the mouth guard.
Delivery's automatic.
Some friends of mine made it.
Friends?
Yeah.
You remember those?
It was horrible.
The one car crashed, and then the guy
in the coat was shooting the other guy.
- It looked like there was a lot of blood.
- Thank you.
That was just a taste
of the mayhem that occurred
during tonight's brazen shootout
that left at least four people dead.
Now, apparently, an anonymous citizen
captured the whole event on video.
Hey, Ray.
Hey, we got a lead.
Let's catch a plane, Wilson.
It's time to take these cowboys down.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
What's he been doing?
f**k all. Just feeding.
Been through five of them so far.
Do you think we have enough security?
We didn't capture him.
He allowed us to take him in.
You understand?
I'm gonna go in.
You shouldn't have woken me.
We had to.
Your blood, your sacrament,
can set us free now.
What makes you think I care?
Your people need you.
My people?
You're nothing but shadows
of your former selves.
Look how far you have fallen.
The world's changed since your time.
The humans have a new hunter.
Blade.
And you'd like me
to kill him, wouldn't you?
Yes.
Subject is heading west.
Got him.
Congratulations.
You're famous.
Somebody nailed us.
Your face is all over the papers
and television.
Media's eatin' it up.
- Like I care.
- Well, you should.
Something like this--
taking out a human--
as far as the rest
of the world is concerned,
you're public enemy number one.
Didn't know this was
a popularity contest.
Damn it, Blade.
Don't you see what they're doing?
They're waging
a goddamn P.R. campaign.
Now it's not just vampires
we gotta worry about,
we're gonna have to take on
the rest of the world, too.
You worry too much, old man.
That's why we're still alive, goddamn it.
I've been doing this
since before you were born, Blade.
You're like a son to me.
I'm sorry I got old on ya.
I see you alone,
surrounded by enemies.
And it breaks my heart.
We can't win this war alone.
Look, he just gave me the evil eye.
Come on, man.
What about that guy?!
Bro and prostitute, baby.
So what?
Quit f**king around.
I'm hungry,
and I want to eat somebody.
How about him?
No fatties.
They taste like Cheetos.
No, I like him.
Wait...what about that?
Shrunken apple-headed b*tch.
They f**king saw us over there.
f**king blow me, man!
Just pick one already. Jesus Christ!
Oh, got it! Got it!
Baby on board.
Oh! Looks like we got ourselves
a combo meal!
Chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky!
Oh, yeah, baby!
What's for dinner?
Aah!
Hey, pretty lady.
No! No!
No!
Scream if this hurts, chica.
Aah!
f**k you?
Aah!
Garlic!
Scream if this hurts, chica.
Aah!
What is it?
What you were worried about.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Shoot to kill!
Aah!
Move a finger and you're dead.
How's about this one?
He's got something in his hand!
Get out, Blade!
s**t!
What's going on in there?
Somebody talk to me!
Aah!
Hold it right there!
Don't shoot, don't shoot.
Rise and shine, sleepyhead.
Special Agents Ray Cumberland,
Wilson Hale, FBI.
- We've been tracking you a long time.
- Mm-hmm.
Whistler.
Dead.
Just like all your victims.
Say, how many people
have you killed, Blade?
Thirty? Forty? Fifty?
1,182.
But they were all familiars.
People who work with them.
Oh. And by "them,"
you mean vampires, right?
Say, so how do you kill
these bloodsuckers, tough guy?
Maybe you could give us a few pointers.
You can stake 'em, right?
What about sunlight? I mean,
they ain't feelin' sunlight, right?
What about crosses?
Do they still work, Wilson,
in this day and age?
I don't know, Ray. I mean, what if
mister homey vampire is, like, Jewish?
That's a good point.
What about garlic?
Does that work on Hindu vampires?
Or do you need, like, saffron
or some s**t?
- That was quick.
- Thank you.
You can keep doing your song
and dance as long as you want, Blade.
It's not gonna play.
We know what you are.
You're a stone-cold killer.
And you're sick as f**k.
Let's leave the diagnosis
to the professionals.
Hello, Blade.
My name is Dr. Vance.
I've been charged with giving you
a psychiatric evaluation.
Gentlemen, would you mind giving us
just a couple of minutes alone?
He's all yours.
I know you must find this
very frightening...
...but I want you to know
that I'm here to help.
And in order for me to do that,
I'm gonna have to ask you
a couple of questions, okay?
You know, Blade--
the darndest thing.
I was signing in at security,
and, uh, couldn't remember the date.
Do you know what day it is?
How about the President?
You know who that is.
Who's in the White House right now?
An a**hole.
I think somebody here
wants to talk about vampires.
Vampires.
For everyone else,
it's kind of silly.
I had a set of wax teeth
when I was seven years old.
It was fun.
I could be somebody else.
But I want to hear you
talk about vampires.
What can you tell me about them?
They exist.
Are you one of them?
Sometimes...
the scariest monster of all...
...is the one in the mirror.
Tell me about blood.
When you drink blood,
do you ever feel sexually aroused?
Just strikes me
that this business of vampirism
has a very strong element
of sexual confusion.
Nuzzling into someone's neck.
A nocturnal visit.
It promises a...
delicious physical intimacy.
The very sweet taste of saliva...
mixed with skin.
Sounds good to me.
Where's it come from?
That's what I wanna know.
And I'm starting to wonder what your
relationship with your mother was like.
Were the two of you very close?
He's psychotic.
No s**t.
For his safety and for the public's,
I'm recommending that he be transferred
immediately to County Psychiatric--
f**k that!
That man is my prisoner.
He's wanted in connection
with a laundry list of federal crimes.
Hold on, gentlemen.
We're in my jurisdiction now.
You got a problem with that,
you talk to the local magistrate.
- That man is my prisoner!
- The call has already been made.
Don't f**k with my thing!
There's a team from the hospital
effecting the transfer immediately.
You're supposed to be
working with us on this, Chief.
Not this time.
This is just a little something
to keep you compliant.
The usual dose for this sort of thing
is two, three hundred milligrams,
but I think with a big,
strapping hybrid like yourself,
I'll kick it up to a couple thousand.
You don't have a problem
with needles, do ya?
There.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Ooh, you're weak.
In need of your serum.
That must be a bad feeling.
I mean, who would've imagined
that a mere human like me
could overpower you.
You're one of them.
A familiar.
Going on five years now.
It's the endgame, Blade.
All their plans are coming to fruition.
Why don't you just sit back
and enjoy the show?
I hate familiars.
It's why we're still alive, goddamn it.
You're like a son to me.
Sorry I got old on ya.
I see you alone,
surrounded by enemies.
It breaks my heart.
Hi, Blade.
So glad to finally meet you.
I am such a fan.
I like your tattoos.
Do they mean anything?
Stupid.
Are you okay?
Are you tired?
You're weak.
We moved the humans around.
Like pawns.
We used them...
...to flush you out.
You're not so big.
You're all alone, Blade.
No one's gonna help you now.
- Evening, ladies.
- Hannibal King!
Wake up, Blade.
This is your rescue.
Go!
Freeze!
Whistler!
This way!
Blade!
You're dead!
Get down!
Blade.
Hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where are you going?
Where the f**k is he going?
This is supposed to be a rescue!
Get back, get back!
We're pinned down.
I can't shoot around corners.
I can.
Aah!
Okay. We're fucked.
We're fine.
Forgot my sword.
Whoo! Come on!
Abby.
Aah!
We got him.
We'll be there soon.
Who the hell are you people?
Well, my name is Hannibal King.
And this little hellion
right here is Abigail.
Whistler's daughter.
I thought the vampires
killed Whistler's family.
They did.
I was born later out of wedlock.
When I came of age,
I tracked my dad down,
and I told him I wanted in.
Been doing it ever since.
Welcome to the honeycomb hideout.
How do you bankroll this operation?
I date a lot of older men.
Come on, man, I'm joking.
You met Dex.
This is Hedges.
Sommerfield-- she's the one who built
that new serum inhaler of yours.
That runt you saw earlier,
that was Sommerfield's daughter Zoe.
We call ourselves the Nightstalkers.
Hmm. Sounds like rejects
from a Saturday morning cartoon.
We were gonna go with
the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken.
How many of you are there?
There's enough.
We operate in sleeper cells.
When one goes down, another cell
activates to pick up the slack.
Consider us your reinforcements.
What, you amateurs
are supposed to be helping me?
You?
Look at you.
You're kids.
You're not ready to roll with this.
I mean, look at the way you're dressed.
What, that's supposed to be tactical?
What is this? What is that?
"f**k you."
It's a joke, huh?
What the f**k is wrong with y'all?
Y'all think this is a joke?
You think this is a f**king sitcom?
Okay, first off, that's just rude.
Second, I'm pretty sure
we saved your a** back there.
I'm impressed.
Look, Blade, my father meant
for us to help you.
Like it or not, we are all you got.
What the hell makes you think
you know about hunting vampires?
Well, here's for starters.
I used to be one.
Do I pass the audition?
Rookies.
f**king Hannibal King!
I should've ripped his bleeding heart
out when I had the chance!
Ugh!
Ugh!
We had Blade.
We had him!
Ugh!
And don't tell me "I told you so," Asher.
What's wrong, half pint?
You need a time out?
Blow me.
We got caught with our pants down.
Pants down?
They pretty much
f**king a**-raped us.
Oh, you loved it.
Has he been told?
About your failure?
Yes.
Maybe it's time I joined the game.
You know the kind of woman
that just screams trouble?
You see her and every warning bell
in your brain starts going off,
but you still manage to ask
for her number.
Well, that's all I ever hook up with.
But this betty...
Whoa! She blew 'em all away
in the shitstorm sweepstakes.
Her name is Danica Talos.
You met her earlier.
And unlike typical vampires,
her fangs are located in her vagina.
Moving on.
The man on her left
is her brother Asher,
and this walking diaper stain
is Jarko Grimwood.
I picked Danica up in a bar
and spent the next five years
playing hide-and-go-suck
as her little vampire cabana boy.
Eventually, Abigail found me.
Sommerfield managed to treat me
with a cure, and now I kill them.
And that's basically
turning a frown upside-down.
We need to pool our resources, Blade.
"We"?
Yeah, we.
He's come back.
Take a look at this.
You gotta be kidding me.
Where'd you guys
get this stuff?
I stole most of it.
Danica had a huge collection.
You got stonework, ironwork,
weaponry, art.
It's this stuff that shows up everywhere.
This symbol, this glyph--
It's on everything in here.
He is real.
You dig beneath all the-- the myths,
all the layers of bulls**t that have cluttered
our culture for the last 500 years,
and eventually
you're gonna strike the truth.
So the movies are true.
The movies are just a comforting
fairy tale compared to the real deal.
Bram Stoker-- he wrote a good yarn,
but the events that he described
back in 1897--
God. That was just a tiny piece
of the mosaic.
The real Dracula-- his origins
date back much, much earlier than that.
How early?
Try six or seven thousand years.
This is a piece of his armor.
With it, we were able to extrapolate a
basic idea of what this f**ker looked like.
Check this out.
Dracula's only one
of the names he's gone by.
The Babylonians worshipped him
as Dagon, and now they call him Drake.
If you believe in the legends,
he was born in ancient Sumeria.
Nobody really knows the specifics
of his origin, but we do know this.
He was the first of his kind.
The patriarch of hominus nocturna.
He was born perfect.
And just like the great white shark,
this guy has never had to evolve.
Forget the movies, forget the books.
There's no happy ending with this guy.
He's been there,
moving behind the scenes,
cutting a bloody f**king path
through the ages, until suddenly...
...just like that...
...he up and disappeared.
And then we heard a rumor.
The vampires were searching for him.
Some say he'd been sleeping
through the ages,
that he'd retreated from a world
he'd become disgusted with.
And according to our information, they
found him in Iraq about six months ago.
And he was pissed.
Don't try to use my name,
that's fatal
Tried to claim my fame,
but that's fatal
About to raise the pain,
that's fatal
Tried to claim my fame,
but that's fatal
About to raise the pain,
that's fatal
Bite through your jugular vein,
that's fatal
In the window...
You sell vampire merchandise?
Uh, yeah.
Look around.
We might have a few things.
We've got Dracula lunchboxes.
Did you see those?
There's bobble heads, key chains.
This is funny.
That garlic gets me every time.
We've got just about anything.
Even vampire vibrators.
Here. Check this out.
Dra-cola.
Makes you want to cry, doesn't it?
Was there something special
you needed?
Hey, guy.
She's talkin' to ya.
What?
You wanna kiss me, pretty boy?
Aah!
No!
Tried to claim my fame,
but that's fatal
About to raise the pain,
that's fatal
Bite through your jugular vein,
that's fatal
Aah!
Aah!
Bite through your jugular vein,
that's fatal
Why wake up Drake now?
That's exactly what we've been
trying to figure out.
When I was under the fang,
there used to be talk about
some kind of vampire final solution.
But I could never figure out why
they'd want to destroy their food source.
I mean, that makes no sense, right?
They've always had plans
for the human race,
and it seems likely
that whatever they're cooking up,
Drake's return is part of it.
Let's face it.
We are fighting a losing battle here.
So we kill a few hundred
of them a year-- big deal.
There are thousands of them out there,
maybe tens of thousands.
We need a new tactic.
Like what?
A biological weapon.
For you sighted people...
...here's a little show and tell.
For the last year,
I've been working with synthesized DNA
in order to create an artificial virus
targeted specifically at vampires.
We're calling it DayStar.
Think about it, Blade.
We could wipe 'em all out
in one single move.
So what's been holding you back?
The lethality in vampires is still spotty.
The bottom line is we need
a better strand of DNA to work with.
We need Dracula's blood.
Because Dracula is the progenitor
of the vampire race,
his DNA is still pure.
It hasn't been diluted by a hundred
generations of selective mutation.
We get his blood, we can boost
DayStar's viral efficacy to 100%.
All the vampires go bye-bye.
So, can we just
go right ahead and sign you up
for one of our secret
Nightstalker decoder rings?
Oh.
Holy s**t.
Um, gentlemen and hottie,
uh, we have a wide assortment
of a**-kickery
for your viewing pleasure today.
Electronic pistol-- comes in a variety
of tasty calibers.
Explosive rounds.
Yeah, but with
a concentrated burst of UV light
instead of your standard hollow points.
I call 'em sun dogs.
Hedges. Super-size me, sweetheart.
This little pea shooter--
it's a modified version
of the Army's objective
individual combat weapon.
Pick your poison-- sun dogs, stakes,
heat-seeking mini rockets.
Basically, whatever gets you hard,
this puppy'll pump 'em out.
Course, it doesn't have
the range of a sword, but...
Oh, God.
Over here, we, um--
we call this the UV Arc.
Whoa. Sorry.
The two points are connected
by a powerful UV laser--
- Hedges, I'll take it from here.
- Yes.
This bad boy is half as hot as the sun.
It can cut through vampires
like a knife through butter.
We're still trying to sort out fact
from fiction when it comes to Dracula.
Turning into mist?
Kinda doubt it.
General shape-shifting?
Maybe.
Not into a bat or a wolf
or anything like that,
but another human,
with practice, could be possible.
Because he wouldn't have
a traditional skeletal structure.
Something more like a snake's,
with thousands of tiny bones--
I have a-- I have a question
about that, Hedges.
Have you ever been laid?
Many times.
With ladies.
Time for a little pressure.
The weakest link
in the vampire chain of command
has always been their familiars.
Since the vampires can't go out
in the daylight,
they get the humans to do
all their dirty work.
We bleed the wannabes...
Sooner or later,
they'll take us right to the real.
I got you some new wheels.
You take care of it now.
She's making playlists.
She likes to listen to MP3s
when she hunts.
It's like her own
internal soundtrack, you know?
Dark core, trip hop, whatever
kids are listening to these days.
Me, I'm more of
a David Hasselhoff fan, you know?
Come on, come on
like that, ya'll
Come on, come on,
like that, y'all
Let me see you say ho
Let me see you say ho
Aah!
Ah! Aah!
Eventually, you know,
your head is gonna pop off.
f**k! No, no!
Please, please! Please.
Who's your handler?
I don't know my f**king handler.
I swear. I swear!
Oh, s**t! Please! Please!
Oh, it's you.
I'll take that.
Come on!
Let's go! Come on!
Hello?
Hello?
Hello, this is Dr. Vance.
You paged me.
It's for you.
Yeah, go ahead.
Hello?
Aah!
You know, at some point, you, uh,
you might want to consider
sitting down with somebody.
You know? Have a little share time?
Kick back?
Get in touch with your inner child?
That sort of thing?
Also-- just a thought-- but you might
wanna consider blinking once in a while.
I'm sorry, I, uh,
I ate a lot of sugar today.
Hey.
You just can't walk in here like-- aah!
Excuse me, sir.
Don't do that.
Where's Vance?
I'm sorry, but you can't see
Dr. Vance right now.
Sit.
Can I, uh, can I help you?
Remember me?
Time for payback.
All right, Vance,
what the hell do you know?
Oh, Jesus.
It's him.
Abby. It's Drake!
Aah!
So, you're the hunter they all fear.
I had a feeling about you.
Just shoot him!
Go ahead, Blade.
Show me what you're made of.
Aah!
Aah! Oh, my God!
He got my baby!
Aah! No! My baby!
Ah, careful, Daywalker.
I've been told about you.
Your weakness for humans.
Why'd you kill Vance?
He'd outlived his purpose.
He died a good death.
Quick, clean.
I wouldn't know anything about that.
You will.
How are you able to survive in sunlight?
Haven't you read Stoker's fable?
I was the first of the vampires.
I am unique.
So that's why they brought you back.
Of course.
They believe through me
they could become Daywalkers.
Look at them down there.
Scurrying around like insects.
They don't know anything about honor
or living by the sword,
not like you and I do.
Do you think they could ever grasp
what it means to be immortal?
You're not immortal.
I must've heard hundreds of you rodents
make the same claim.
Each one of them have tasted
the end of my sword.
Perhaps I will too, then,
but I think it is more likely
the next time we meet,
you fall before mine.
Catch!
Cootchie coo.
Did you see that guy?
We're gonna lose, man.
We're gonna--
Oh! God!
We're gonna f**king lose!
What did the one lesbian vampire
say to the other?
Shut up, King.
See you in 28 days.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
What are you-- what is that?
What are you doing?
It's an elastic protein, okay?
It's gonna stop the hemorrhaging.
Okay.
Is it gonna hurt?
Yeah, it's gonna sting a little.
Really?
f**k me!
Aah!
I had a family once.
Wife, two daughters.
Then a drifter came calling
one evening.
A vampire.
He toyed with 'em first.
Tried to make me decide
which order they'd die in.
I've been doing this a long time.
Since before you were born.
I don 't want this life for you, Abby.
Hey, Blade.
I got a question for you.
Say we're successful.
Say we wipe out all the vampires.
What then, huh?
You ever ask yourself that?
I mean, somehow,
l-- I don't picture you teaching karate
at the local Y.
He hates me, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Why do you wear that symbol?
Old habits.
I was a good Catholic schoolgirl...
...once.
I was there when they crucified him.
He died for their sins.
Not mine.
And what are your sins?
Would you care to confess them?
Take it off.
Why?
I will make you a better one.
There's an old saying.
Kill one man, you're a murderer...
...kill a million, a king.
Kill 'em all...
...a god.
Why do you do that?
Because there's something bad
inside of me.
This keeps it from getting out.
Why can't you just be nice?
Because the world isn't nice.
I found where the vampires are working.
Biomedica Enterprises.
They've been buying up
all sorts of supplies.
Check it out.
Taq polymerase,
bone marrow growth supplement,
genetic sequencing enzymes.
You want a party favor?
Lucky seven.
Silver hollow points.
Done.
You wanted to see me?
We've got trouble.
Doing a little moonlighting, Chief?
s**t!
What are you doing here?
Talk.
Talk.
Spill it!
You know what we're doing.
What's inside?
Aah!
Now, what's behind door number one?
I can't tell you.
They-- they'll kill me.
Kill you?
Motherfucker, I'll kill you.
I'll just enjoy it better.
You know the routine.
Lights.
God in Heaven.
What is this place?
It's a blood farming facility.
Vampires decided that hunting humans
on a piecemeal basis was...
too inefficient.
Why kill your prey
when you can keep them alive?
Under optimal conditions,
a donor can generate
anywhere from 50 to 100
pints of blood.
Productive.
Where do you get all these people?
They got processing centers
in every major city.
At any given time, there's what,
two, three million homeless
wandering around America?
They just pull 'em in off the streets.
Nobody cares about them.
We're doing this country
a service, really.
Vampire final solution.
Are they aware?
Do they feel anything?
They're in a chemical-induced coma.
They're brain dead.
Look at this.
This the future you want?
Don't you think that they have
a place for you in their future?
We don't have a choice!
They're going to win.
Can't you see that?
He's come back!
There's nothing stopping them now.
There's me.
Go!
You got 20 seconds.
Twenty.
Shutdown password-- what is it?
Harvest.
Put it in.
Let's go.
Where'd you go?
See? I turned my back on you.
- Oh! You win.
- One more, one more.
"Now, Nome King,
having never tried to be good,
was very bad indeed."
"Having decided to conquer
the land of Oz
and to destroy the Emerald City..."
This ain't no video game.
This ain't no video game.
Come on, now.
Dude, you're dead.
Mom, the lights are weird.
What do you mean?
They're going on and off.
Guys?
Zoe, I want you to go,
and I want you to hide, okay?
Like we talked about. Go on.
Zoe?
Get out of here, Zoe!
Hide!
Goddamn it, Zoe!
Goddamn it!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Something's not right.
King!
Zoe?
Zoe.
Zoe?
Whistler.
Use it.
Use it.
Use it.
Aah!
Back off, pooch.
Jesus Christ!
What the f**k?!
Good dog.
What the f**k?!
His name's Pac-Man.
We've been porting the vampire gene
into other species-- experimenting.
You made a goddamn
vampire Pomeranian?
Yeah.
Precious, isn't he?
Well, that depends who you ask,
because clearly,
this dog has a bigger d*ck than you.
And when the f**k
did you see my d*ck, f**kface?
Ow!
I was talking to her!
Poor King.
You look so distraught!
Give me that chair.
You're tasting a little bland, lover.
Are you getting enough
fatty acids in your diet?
Have you tried lake trout?
Mackerel?
How about you take
a sugar-frosted f**k
off the end of my d*ck?
And how about everyone here
not saying the word "d*ck" anymore?
It provokes my envy.
Tell us about Blade, King.
What's this weapon
he's been planning?
I can tell you two things.
One...your hairdo is ridiculous.
Two, I ate a lot of garlic,
and I just farted.
Silent but deadly.
Spit it out, you f**king fruitcake!
All right! f**k!
I'll tell you about the weapon.
It's a new flavor crystal formula.
Twice the chocolaty goodness,
half the calories.
Plus, it helps
prevent tooth decay. There.
You're brave, King.
I'll give you that.
But underneath all that swagger,
I know what you really fear.
What would hurt you
more than anything else.
You don't want to go back
to being one of us, do you?
I'm gonna bite you again, King.
And I'm gonna leave you here
while you turn.
I'm going to watch you day after day
as the thirst
keeps building and building.
And then,
when you can't stand it anymore...
...I'm gonna bring the little girl in here...
...for you to feed on.
Would you like that, King?
Would you enjoy taking her life?
Now we're getting somewhere, my pet.
Are you all right?
Yeah. I'll be fine.
Don't let it turn inward.
Ever since I can remember,
I've had this...
I've had this knife of sadness
in my heart.
And as long as it's there,
you know, I'm-- I'm strong.
and I'm-- I'm untouchable.
But the moment that I take it out...
...l-I'll just die.
He's one of ours.
My name is Caulder.
I'll be your driver this evening.
Sommerfield left you a video message.
If you're watching this,
I'm already dead.
If Zoe's alive, I want you to promise me
that you'll take care of her, okay?
I've been reading her
the Oz books every night.
We just started reading
The Emerald City of Oz.
You know, the one
with the Nome King?
I think I've managed to cultivate
a workable strain of the DayStar virus.
As a precaution, I transmitted
the genetic sequence to Caulder
in case our main stock was destroyed.
In order for it
to achieve maximum lethality,
you're gonna need to interfuse it
with Drake's blood.
Now, if it works,
every vampire in the immediate vicinity
should die almost instantly.
There's one other thing.
Blade, you need to know
that there's a chance
the virus could destroy you, too.
Because you're a hybrid,
l-- I'm not sure if your immune system
will be able to tolerate it.
I'm sorry. We just didn 't have
enough time to properly test it.
So, shall we take a look
at the plague arrow?
I only had time to fabricate
a small amount of DayStar.
However, I was able to outfit it.
A compressed gas projectile...
...that can be shot from one
of the four-barrel rifles or a bow.
Either way, you must be sure
that the shot counts.
You would simply not have enough
for a second shot.
Do you know who I am?
You're the Nome King.
Ah.
The Nome King.
How sweet.
Tell me, child,
do you want to die?
I'm not afraid.
I'll go to Heaven.
There is no Heaven.
No God, no angels.
The only thing in your future
is nothingness.
But what if you could change that?
What if you could
remain a child forever?
Wouldn't you like that?
Wouldn't you accept that gift?
My friends are coming to kill you.
This blood
Wake the night!
It's gonna wake the night
It's gonna wake the night
Wake the night!
This blood
This blood
It's gonna wake the night
This blood
This blood
It's gonna wake the night!
- This blood
- Wake the night!
It's gonna wake the night
- This blood
- Wake the night!
Wake the night!
This blood
This blood
It's gonna wake the night!
Gonna be sorry you did that.
Why?
Nobody's coming for you, Kingshit.
Sure they are.
God--
See, one of the things you fuckheads
need to know about us Nightstalkers
is that when you join our club, you get
all sorts of groovy little door prizes.
And one of them is this nifty little tracking
node surgically implanted in your body.
- bulls**t.
- Yeah.
See, when one of us goes missing...
...the others,
they just dial up the satellite
which is in space.
And then presto.
Instant cavalry.
You like that, huh?
Go f**k your sister.
Okay, King.
Where is this tracking node of yours?
It's in my left a** check.
Fine.
It's in my right a** cheek.
Okay, I'm-- okay, seriously, now.
It's in the meat of my butt,
just below the Hello Kitty tattoo.
Seriously, just pull down
my tighty-whities and see for yourself.
Enough!
It's not funny anymore!
No, it's not,
you horse-humping b*tch!
But it will be a few seconds from now.
See, that tickle that you're feeling
in the back of your throat right now...
...that's atomized colloidal silver.
It's being pumped through
the building's air conditioning system,
you c**k-juggling thundercunt!
Which means the fat lady
should be singing
right about now!
This is awkward.
Do you have a cell phone?
Um...a little help here.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- Where's Zoe?
- Drake's got her.
Okay.
Thank you.
I brought your toys.
Try to keep up.
Aah!
Abby!
Hey.
You okay?
Okay. Let's get you out of here.
Watch out!
f**k me.
Oh, f**k me sideways!
Oh, yeah.
He's a cute little guy, aren't ya?
Good little puppies.
Yeah, you're gonna stay.
You stay.
Oh. There's a pretty smile.
Yeah.
I'm going to, uh...
Hey, d*ckface.
You seen my dog?
Have you tried the lobby?
Thank you.
f**k...
Come on, King.
...this.
Blade.
Ready to die?
I was born ready, motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
I like that.
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
You broke my arm!
Aah!
Are you ready to die, motherfucker?
Give it up.
Come on.
Give it up, King.
Give it up.
Give it up.
Give it up.
Hang in there, kitten.
I'll get help.
Funny, isn't it?
All this time, my people were trying
to create a new kind of vampire,
when one already exists.
I don't need to survive.
The future of our race rests with you.
You fought with honor.
I respect that.
Allow me a parting gift.
But remember this.
Sooner or later,
the thirst always wins.
And Blade?
The virus didn't kill him.
Because he was a hybrid,
his heart never stopped beating.
It simply slowed down.
And so he slept,
waiting for the moment when he
could walk the earth again.
Y o, yo
It's the feast of the blood
Unleash the beast within
I walk around with the strength
of a hundred men
You best run before I count to ten
Blood dripping from my canine
like a fountain pen
The shape-shifting mirror image
flash phototype
The everlasting vision,
the red battle type
Try to use my name,
that's fatal
Tried to claim my fame,
but that's fatal
About to raise the pain,
that's fatal
Bite through your jugular vein,
that's fatal
Walk with me,
come on, walk with me
Come on, walk with me,
come on, walk with me
Come on, walk with me,
come on, walk with me
Come on, walk with me,
walk with me
I strike back with a vengeance,
The father, your descendants
And I can't be deflected
by your silver cross pendants
Bloody holy water,
you made the false images
What's waiting for the sickle?
You're like the nemesis
Sting like the scorpion,
strike with the force again
My blood in those
who revitalize the corpse I'm in
And the last thing,
they said the dead would walk again
The blind, deaf and the dumb
will talk again
Try to use my name,
that's fatal
Trying to claim my fame,
that's fatal
About to raise the pain,
that's fatal
Bite through your jugular vein,
that's fatal
You don't even know me
You can't even see me
Friendlier than daylight
Now I'm back,
now I'm back again
Don't be scared, baby
Can't you see I'm thirsty?
Friends of the daylight
Let me drink,
let me drink, my friend
Don't be scared, baby
Don't be afraid
Friends of the daylight
And I'm back,
and I'm back again
Never going nowhere
You can't run from me
Day or night, baby
Can I drink,
can I drink again?
Yeah
Yeah
Can we drink,
can we drink, my friend?
Don't be scared, baby
Don't be scared, baby
Can't you see I'm thirsty?
And I'm back,
and I'm back again
First things first, man,
you can't fight the thirst
You can't call the doctor,
you can't call the nurse
You got that Louis logo
on the side of your purse
And those tight minis
about to make me burst
I can't think,
let me sink into your jugular
Come have a drink
with the thirsty love guzzler
From the dark side,
baby, don't be afraid
You can't fight the thirst
nor escape the plague
I've been scopin' ya
hoping you'd be open to
Take a sip of the potion
'cause it's overdue
It's not your ordinary,
it's a special brew
In the heat of the night,
I will rescue you
Never going nowhere
You can't run from me
Day or night, baby
Can I drink,
can I drink again?
Yeah
Yeah
Can we drink,
can we drink, my friend?
Don't be scared, baby
Don't be scared, baby
Can't you see I'm thirsty?
And I'm back,
and I'm back again
Allow me a parting gift.
But remember this.
Sooner or later,
the thirst will always win.
And I'm back,
and I'm back again