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Translated by Ren Minarski
Erika Leniek was sort of a pioneer concerning breast implants, got it?
She did it during the mid 80s' already
at that time the implants were still bulls**t
But Pamela Anderson was smarter, she waited untill mid 90s'
Sort of after the "Silicon revolution"
And she got some real top class gourmet hooters. The best there were from the best doctor
The guy was sort of the Mohammed Ali of plastic surgery.
That guy was married with that one actress,
the blond one... what was her name?
Kim Basinger!
They got divorced now, but never mind
Anyway,
you're getting my point?
Erica had no problem untill the third season
there the directors decided to send the crew travelling
They had Baywatch in Mexico and in Japan and so on
And there the doctors became suspicious
They just knew that the bulls**t silicon in Erikas tits
was not designed to sustain pressure fluctuations
Domestic flights were ok
but long distance flights, above 10.000 meters.
That risk was just to high.
So they preferd Pamela Andersons gourmet implants
That means the only reason why Erika Leniek got fired was
cause her tits exploded too easy.
- got it
- seriousely
And that's that
So don't tell me about good acting or style or something
or not?
right?
Hmm
what "Hmm"?
You gotta have an opinion about that
- Nope, I really don't
- Come on, don't be so boring now
Sorry, I just decided not to talk about such things any more
about what?
About thing like: which Baywatch nude got more style
It simply got no substance
"No substance?!?"
Yeah!
Aha!
You're just trying to talk something cool,
and don't care for the meaning.
I know you made the story up.
Thought it's pretty clever, so you want to tell it.
And you tell me just like that!
And that's alright...
...but we don't need to talk about that for hours.
Ok, sorry, ok.
So what do you want to talk about?
- Don't know!
- Oh you don't know?!?
You know what you don't want to talk about
...but you don't know what you want to talk about...
...What do you want to talk about? Tell me
...well...about something important...
...problems of real life.
..."problems of real life"?
- Yes
- Dude
What?
Nothing
Yes
Well, it's alright.
When did you think about that?
Just before
Aha! Just before, while I was rolling a joint...
...you thought: OK from now on I talk about real life problems...
Yep
...completely spontanious...
Dude, you're a freak sometimes.
Cool!!!
Hey
Hello
Gina, we have to talk.
What is it?
I think we have to break up
I think I can't stay loyal while you're away.
I could tell you some fake reasons..
...but you deserve honesty...
...It's your hygene.
Excuse me?
You don't take care of yourself anymore.
You sweat like a pig.
Do you still shower at all?
Certain body parts are simply disgusting!
Call me hypersensitive
But I just can't stand it anymore.
It's nice what stories you can come up with.
As a matter of fact I am sitting here doing somthing...
...clean up...,
all you do is getting stoned.
For a while it was funny, but...
...I don't want that circus anymore.
And actually I never planed to ever come back from America
I met somebody there...
...Josef...
...he's a broker...
...hard working, pays attention, charming...
...black too!
and for the Future:
Women can have vaginal orgasms!
Josef? Black?
That was a top class story.
The beginning was really good
It was much better than your cheap story
But then "vaginal orgasms"? Come on
You just can't stand loosing
- Get your shirt off
- oh no
oh yes
But not a big one, ok?
A normal one, that's the deal.
Come on!
Give it to me!
Give it to me!!!
Hey, this is no camping!
Shut up! f**king cu*t!
Can this guy say one normal sentence?
Frank! Contenance
Hey, Kai
What the hell?
Why do you let these potheads hang out here?
No!!
When we come back you're gone, alright?
Ohh s**t!!!
f**k!!!
We don't go to long, ok?
- OK
- I have to study
"I have to study"
Hey, I got exam in 2 months.
Oh and I keep you off learning?
- I could use a little support....
- I told you...
- ...a little support.
...I told you I can do this alone.
And besides I support you as much as I can.
Ohh is that so?
And how?
I....I....
when you're done studying...
I'll pick you up
And serve you a gourmet pizza, as sign of my respect.
- How thoughtful.
- That's how much you mean to me.
You care so much.
I do indeed.
THE INFILTRATION
Dealing is dangerous.
My father just sentenced one guy for 3 years
for possession of 100 gram.
100 gram?
3 years?
Yes
You dad is a nice guy, but sometimes he's a f**king Nazi.
- Don't you think the high stang looks in use?
- I don't answer that anymore.
Look in the top corner there is some moss scratched off.
Yea there is some moss scrated off you brain.
We investigated the place, it's out of order!
I don't know.
Be happy! Everything is fine, everything grows.
everything is well hidden
plenty of sunlight
good soil...
- Stefan
- What?
Greenflies
Greenflies?!?!
Yes greenflies!!! Check this out!!!
They are everywhere.
s**t
Vinager should help
What?
Vinager helps
- Vinager?!?
- Yes.
You mean vinager?!?
We can't just experiment with vinager on our crops.
We need serious help.
Useful plant or ornamental plant?
Flower, bush, herbaceous plant...?
Useful plant.
Defenitely useful.
- You think it's herbaceous?
- How the hell should I know.
Listen, is this a pharmacy or what?
We need something against Greenflies.
Can't be so hard, can it?
You need to plan carfully.
Without knowing the name of the plant I can't help you.
Thank you, we try somewhere else.
Now you listen to me!
I won't bent down in front of some "florist codex"...
...You can't treat people like that!
Of course we go in there.
Stefan! Listen, ok?
People in those shops have no style, Ok?
They study social pedagogics,
and f**k chicks with unshaved arm pits.
I never hung out with those cliche potheads and I won't start now, ok?
Stefan, wait.
Stefan.
Let's take off, did you see that guy?
No way!
Let's just ask, ok?
Don't be so intolerant.
- No way!
- Think about the greenflies
OK let's go.
Excuse me, I might be able to help you.
I also grow crops.
Grow what?
Yea alright, well I can tell you there is a cure for greeflies.
Especially for big plants.
The sterotype of polical left wingers, fucked up pottheads is old fashioned.
THC abuse exists in all professions
...all social classes,
and all ages...
The aim is:
"Know your enemy"
Aphidoteles aphidimyza, ruberische Gallmcken-
a secret weapon.
One larvae kills up to 50 greenflies and then takes off.
No problem for the plant.
Where do you know that from?
Well when you do this business professionally
you have to teach yourself some things.
I'm a fan of zero-zero.
That's gourmet stuff.
You know zero-zero?
- Yea of course
- Back then
You have to be able to roll a joint.
But even more important is the presentation.
"Awesome s**t man"
Nonesense, nobody talks like that anymore.
ony social pedagogues and teachers
This s**t kicks better than Mehmet Scholl.
Trying to hard.
No this dope....my dear friends.
This dope is the deluxe version.
This dope is...
"Die Jacobs-Krnung des THC"
"Die Jacobs-Krnung des THC"?
If I smoke another one now I can't study anymore.
"If I smoke another one now I can't study anymore"
Alright one more.
An that is the only reasy why she was fired.
I say this theory is bullocks.
- Air planes have pressure cabins...
- So what?
sorry guys but Kai has got a point.
Have you ever heard of the porn star Karla Kowalcyk?
Called "Karla superfist", breast perimiter 142 cm.
- "Four fists for one Hallelujah"...
- ...was her last movie.
Karla was a customer of my cousin Dominik,
He was sort of her pimp.
Domino is a little weird but honest.
He always took care of her...
...especially he made sure she travels only in
small machines that fly low.
But on the way to her shooting for
"The superfist hits again" it happend...
Karla misses her flight...
...but she never wanted to miss an appointment
and so she takes a Boing 737.
And then?
When the plane reached final height it happened.
The entire business class was messed up...
And the super fist never hit again.
Makes sense.
Man that is a sad story, don't you think?
What's wrong?
- Haaalooo?
- I'm black and white.
You're what?
Look I'm black and white man.
That's not funny man, I'm black and white!
He is black and white.
Zero-zero, sometimes it even kicks in delayed.
One of my buddies didn't feel anything for 3 days.
Then the devil appeard to him...
...sat in front of his bed, and watched him.
Seriousely!
Did you hear that, Stefan?
Wanna smoke another one?
STEFANS' LITTLE SISTER
Don't panic, ge go do the AIDS test now
and you show some optimism.
Kai, I'm showing realism.
That guys girlfriend is HIV positive.
Don't think I'm just trying to make myself imprtant, ok?
But I slept with him without condom and his grilfriend is HIV positive.
That is pretty frightening.
Well I know one thing for sure.
If that test is negative I never cheat on Tim again.
All this cheating sucks anyway.
30 minutes fun and a months long bad conscience.
3 months of hell.
3 months?
It takes so long to proove HIV.
For that time I didn't sleep with Tim.
What?
3 months?
Well sure, what else should I do?
And what did he say?
I told him I had an infection and that was ok for him.
Ok for him?
3 months?
Get over it, ok?
I know you think he's a jerk
but I was ok with it too.
You got a code name for the test?
Hmm?
A code name for the test.
Nope, I think of one later.
What is that?
That's important, you have to think of that before.
What if you can't think of any?
Then you say your name is "funny bee".
You can't do that.
I guess you have one already?
Yes. Yes...
...I thought about it for a long time.
...it's like that...
...it's gotta be a cool name.
Not aggressively cool...
...but the coolness has to be underneath the surface?
Got it?
Mr Pink.
Mr Pink?
Mr Pink, you know?
From "reservoir dogs", the movie, you know?
Yea, Mr Pink...
A cool name for a cool character, right?
And it's got some sort of understatement...
...cause the movie is not that famous.
I need some information for the statistics.
First you need one code name.
Mr Pink!
One word only please.
What do you mean?
Am I not speaking German?
One word only!
Well "pink" then.
"Pink", alright.
I suppose I don't need to ask about you sexual habbits.
The test takes 30 minutes.
You can get the results here then.
"Sexual habbits", that stupid bi...
I should have said "ugeln".
30 more minutes.
s**t.
I know what to do in the meantime.
If that s**t breaks out I will go away immediately.
Somewhere in the south.
I get an inflatable madrass and 2 bottles of rum...
...and paddle out into the pacific.
Then I drink until I pass out,
and slip into the sea.
That was the fish get food,
my family has no bad conscience...
...and I can get drunk,...
...I'm defentiley not gonna die of AIDS.
More of astmah, eh?
A pitty...
Don't blow out.
That's what I call a shooter, wasn't it?
Laura...
hey I'm "negtive" you're "negative".
We are both "negative"!
Show some enthusiasm!
Be happy!
I can't I'm too stoned.
Sorry.
Man I... I'm so horny.
Uuu!
So Tim has something to look forward to...
...for his suprise party tonight.
Ahm!
"Ahm"!
Thanks for coming with me.
I never to that again.
- You were a big help.
- But still, I never do that again.
By the way...
...what the hell is "ugeln"?
I can't beleive you told her that.
Come on Kai!
What can I say, Dopex...you know I am an esthete.
You know Laura since she was a kid.
You have responsibility for her.
Man sometimes you're a real motherfucker.
This f**king "dissing around" all the time.
What did you just say?
Did you listen to me?
How can you tell my little sister about "ugeln"?
Did you hear how he just called me?
He called me a "Motherfucker"...
Really? Seriousely?
Yes
Sorry Dopex, but saying "motherfucker" is just...
embarrassing.
I mean it would be ok,
but when the rest is this "homeboy style" stereotype s**t...
And pack in your s**t.
I told you a thousand times that you should not bring your stuff here.
Talking about style.
What style is that to tell my little sister about "ugeln"?
ou can't do that, she is still a cild!
He's coming
THE SUPRISE PARTY
He puts his bag down...
Gets a drink...
What is he doing?
A vacuum cleaner?
He is vacuuming?
On his bloody birthday?
Screw it, we go up, but be quiet.
Who are these unshaved bitches?
Come on let's go somewhere else.
He is actually quite alright,
just a little messed up.
Tourette syndrome or something like that.
He can't say one sentence without swearing.
If he smokes pot it's better, but without pot...
Now that I think about it. Maybe he just fakes it
so that people give him pot.
What's going on?
Tim said you're here. The party is cancelled...
- I go get a drink
- Me too
Tim masturbated with his vacuum cleaner.
His vacuum cleaner?
Yea. He somehow got suprised...
...and then he stood there with the thing.
And sort of...
slipped his d*ck into and got stuck in the underpressure.
And that's when things became humiliating.
Until somebody had a good idea.
What's with my sister now?
Well I immediately brought her here...
...before things could get any worth.
Hey little sis.
You're alright?
Don't drink to much, ok?
I'm better already.
- One more?
- Defentitely
See Dopex? So crappy that it is cool again.
That is true style.
You know, Laura?
I think I love you a little bit.
yea, that's ok.
Are you alright in there?
Where is Stefan?
He went home. Gina is leaving tomorrow.
I wanna go home too.
Pretty embarrassing thing with Tim, ay?
Weird, I decide not to cheat on him anymore.
And there I catch him cheating on me.
...with his vacuum cleaner...
- Want a shootie?
- We have nothing to smoke.
What?
s**t, I shouldn't have done that.
No it's ok.
Sorry...
...it's not your fault.
You don't have to appologize now.
It was a long day today.
Gotta go.
3 months without girlfriend.
It's gonna be awesome for you.
Why that?
Who was the one who said...
...I enjoy being together with my girl most when she is not there?
That was before.
Ohh I see
With Gina everything changed.
- Really
- Yea of course
- What?
- Yea sure
This woman has everything that I need.
It's all about differnt things.
Totally different.
We are about solidarity...
...and honesty.
Yes
- What?
- Nothing.
LIMBO - PARTY
What are you doing here?
Hi Stefan!
Hi
Sorry, I hope I don't disturb...
No, no problem. What are you doing here?
I thought you were in Berlin?
I visit my parents, just for a few days.
Hello
Have a seat. You want a drink?
Water please.
- So what's up?
- I'm fine
- And you?
- Good, can't complain.
- Where is Kai?
- Still sleeping.
But you're still doing this together, right?
Sure, you know Kai. He needs attention.
- Still so bad?
- Yea.
He smokes pot even on the toilet.
He sais it's better for the diagestion.
Thanks
You study law?
What's with your plans to open a beach caf?
Ahh forget that.
It was nonsense.
But you got it all checked out,
just had to get on the plain...
I do my education first.
Then I see what will be next.
But it was always your thing. Going somewhere nice.
Sea, beach, palm, build up an own existance.
Well, tell a little about you. How are you?
Excellent, the studies are going great.
And I will go to London for my masters.
London?
Congratulations.
Thanks
And that's why I'm here.
I wanna throw a little party...
...with the people from back then...
...you're invited of course...
...and I wanted to order some drugs from you.
What do you want to order?
Drugs. You heard me.
Drugs? You?
What for?
Excellent question.
Sure,
what do you want?
Schoof, bio-skunk, Superwahnsinn.
Mann, Mann, Mann, Mann!
well for a good farewell party.
Aren't you afraid that you'll never leave this palce?
Why? It's nice here.
Three Superwahnsinn...
...bioskunk, schoof.
She knew a lot about drugs suddenly.
I just want you to question this strange metamorphosis.
s**t, it's still full of greeflies.
Cause then you'd see that it was nothing but show.
- f**king flies
- Just show
She only came to show me how great she developed.
It's a sacandal
Any why? Because she still loves me.
That's a fact.
But she is without a chance.
Cheat on Gina because with her. That's totally crazy.
Oh come on, you've been nagging about that all day.
What? Sorry that I am talking about something personal for once.
That's not the point. I beleive you that you wouldn't cheat.
So what are we discussing about?
The thing is that I could cheat.
I mean I ain't, but I could be.
But I don't think that I am asking for to much...
...when I want you to show some interest in my situation.
So, why is there the possibility that you might cheat on her?
Well...
...Gina is pretty cool
But Jenny also has advantages.
- Sex!
- Sex.
- For example.
- Aha.
Jenny, she was terriffic in bed.
...but with Gina...
...I didn't even get a boner in the beginning.
Why that?
That is exactely what I am trying to tell you.
Jenny I met in the disco, right?
And always more of a fashion girl.
But Gina...I knew her before already...
and she was a friend.
That is the problem.
The transition between friend and sex object.
Imagine you go out anf have fun
and afterwards you're in bed and she is giving you a blow job.
Would you let a friend suck your d*ck?
If he is pretty.
You're killing me. Stop it.
But are you getting the problem?
You see why there is at least one reason to cheat?
- Yea alright but you're not going to.
- Yes of course not.
Well then everything is alright, christ!
a**hole king!
Come on.
p*s*y!
a**hole, give it to me!
Boner!
Achim my friend. I have to say
your strange flies...
...are just sunbathing and nothing else.
Sun? I thought you're growing indoors with a sunray lamp?!?
Sunray lamp?
These aren't just two plants in the bathroom...
...for our crops you don't need a sunray lamp,
you neen an entire galaxy.
- I see
- Yes
Well outdoors these flies won't help.
In that case we need a new strategy.
He's harmless.
Limbolooooooooo!!!
Hey!
How low can you go?!?!?!
Hey!
How low can you go?!?!?!
So what now?
- For me?
- You want one?
Thanks. Cheers.
Back in the days we never partied together like that
Back then you were different.
Friends?
Friends?!?!
Thanks
Are you alright?
No, nothing is alright.
I don't get it.
Kai, do I have...
...cellulitis...?
No, you're a top class woman.
That's not the reason.
You can't get a boner, and my
ex boyfriend gets a blowjob from his vacuum cleaner.
Great "top class woman"
Did you never get it, who was the reason
why all my relationships didn't work out?.
I never wnated to tell you that.
Sorry.
What are you afraid of, Kai?
I'm not afraid.
I just want things to stay the way they are.
Hey p*s*ys!!! Limbo!!!
s**t!!!
You can go.
Really?
Seriousely?!?!
Is there somethnig to smoke left?
Mann, Mann, Mann, Achim
Sleeping bags are in the corridor. I go to sleep.
Good night.
Did you see that look she gave me?
Honesty...true loyalty...
Jenny! Can I come in?
That thing between us never really stoped, right?
I got a headache.
Good morning
Good morning. Get out of my bed now.
Breakfast
THE ZERO-ZERO DESASTER
"Hit him with full strength. That hurt."
"Get's the ball just like that."
You really want to talk Achim to the plantation?
Well we hardly know the guy.
Are you afraid he's gonna turn us in, or what?.
That huge plantation can get us into jail.
Don't be silly. Achim smokes more than both of us together,
plus he knows about growing.
s**t! Always the same, you lulled me with your damn paranoia.
Some people just can't loose.
"Some people just can't loose."
- Want another zero-zero?
- Come on one more.
- One more and I kick your a**.
Did you manipulate something about the level?
Who is that now?
Damn, it's my father! Quick!
Hello Kai
Hey dady
It smells sweet in here.
It's just this stuff, the air was bad.
So how is your stomache?
Much better already, thanks.
I see
Optimistic for your exam?
Yeayea the stomache thing was a little promlematic.
But I'll be alright.
You have to work hard now.
Life ain't one big party.
By the way, Dr. Kollmann comes for dinner the night after tomorrow.
He runs the bigest office in town.
Kollmann, yea I know, of course.
Maybe you can drop by?
He might be able to do something for you.
A little "vitamine B", can't be bad to get some contacts...
Stefan! What the hell?
What's that?
Just stomache medicine. It's really...
I started feeling sick again.
I think I drank 10 liters of water already.
- Did it work?
- Apparently
Good hint with the water.
I don't feel anything so far.
The cops busted Dopex with 2 gramm cocaine in his car.
What? I knew it. I knew it!
s**t!
Dopex, remember?
The guy I showed you on the party.
Yea I remember.
Stefan, what are you doing?
Are you nuts?
Our entire supply.
You flushed 1 kg gourmet dope down the toilet.
Dopex got bustet.
If he tells them names they are going to search our place.
What then?
Just shut up.
You messed everyhting up.
Of course you don't care. You get all your money from mommy.
But I'm gonna become somebody. I'll be a lawyer.
And I don't want to end up
like the two retards out ther in the bus!
- Nice start Bullmann!
- It's nothing compared to that home delivery sevrice.
Possible, but you have to get us evidence.
A few gram from the pocket are not enough.
Bring real bulletproove evidence.
The more the better.
- So you want to follow your fathers footsteps?
- I think so.
Well that is a challange.
Your fathers career is quite impressing.
May I introduce you to my daughter Laura?
- Hello
- Good evening
Are you insane?
I'm sorry, just a nervous reflex...
I think I will specialize into criminal law.
I know it's pretty crowded,
but it's a chance to get far quickly.
Very determined, I like that.
- Is you girlfriend doing law too?
- Hmm?
If you have a girlfriend.
Gina does economics,
she is abroad now.
She is..ehhm...she is in the USA.
Does an internship, for 3 months.
Gina is very hard working.
She get's things done.
- Mama!
- What is it?
- I wanna go play.
- Ok.
Your father told me you finance your studies by yourself?
Yea he works in a pizzaria.
Seems to be a well paying buisness.
You should see the car he is driving.
So where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Well, ehhm...
...we'll see...
Don't be so shy!
He always wanted to be a lawyer.
- Not easy.
- But if you really want it you can do it.
The most important thing is to have clear goals in life.
And for you the only goal can be an excellent degree.
And then you can come to my office.
When will you be ready?
Takes a little longer.
- What semester are you now?
- 10th
He is doing his exam now.
- Then it's about time for you now, ehh?
- Hmm
Stefan! You wanna go get some fresh air?
I open the window.
- What is it with you?
- Stefan! Talk to us!
Stefan!
Take that brat away.
That's not a child it's the devil.
What are you talking about?
THE BRAIN CELL MASSACRE
Didn't they look different in the mushroom book?
You were supposed to look them up.
small...white lamella,...
...that should do it.
- That is just the right approach for picking mushrooms.
- Come on, we had the best dope in town, and now all got are...
...these instant mushrooms.
Mushrooms on a pizza, nobody will bust us for that...
...the best future investement.
I hope they kick in.
We can test it.
That is being used in Kazachian plantations.
So don't get your noses too deep into it.
Why?
You knwo how the polish call that stuff?
Brain cell massacre
"Brain cell massacre"?
Och by the way...
Kai and I had some of these earlyer.
A little more life quality for the garden work.
I can solve your Greenflies problem.
Appart from that, great plants.
- Let's harvest
- What?
Look at the high stand. It's too obvious,
a miracle nobody has discovered the crops yet.
- what are you talking about?
If we wait 2 weeks longer...
...we have 30% more
- I don't care
- Are you nuts? What's your problem?
- We harvest
And why did Achim bring the brain cell massacre?
I made a choice, spontanious. The crops have to go.
Sponatneous. Spontaneous you also destroyed all our supplies.
That's nonsense
Right Achim? Rigt?
Say something, man.
That's your choice.
You can harvest now if you want.
"well we can harvest if we want" great.
Well alright, let's harvest.
Was there something?
There was something. Be quiet.
I can't hear anything. Stop you damn paranoia!
Hello?
Stefan! Stefan!
I don't know what's going on with him.
- There is a hunter
- Shut up
What's going on with you?
- Small white lamella should do it, eh?
- Sorry, little mistake.
- "A little mistake?
- Yes, sorry.
- Keep his mouth closed.
- No he's spitting.
Stefan, Stefan! I can't hold him back.
The brain cell massacre
Stefan, no. You can't do that!
It's dangerous! Who knows what it'll do to him!
You can't do that man!
Hello?
Oh s**t.
Hide him.
Hello?
Everything alright?
- He puked out the mushrooms?
- Yes, but who knows what the brain cell massacre is still doing to him.
- Let's get him to a hospital.
- Yes
- I get the rest.
Freeze
Calm down. That's not how you think.
One move and I shoot.
- Are you crazy?
- Put him in the car.
We can't we need the car for Achim.
He saw the dope. Put him in the trunk.
Look what you've done.
Always the same s**t.
Shouldn't we bring them to the hospital?
To the hospital?
When he wakes up he will remmeber everything.
- We gotta get rid of the hunter somehow.
- Get rid? You wanna kill him or what?
Are you completely crazy now?
This ain't no damn gangster movie.
Hey you said we should get rid of him,
I said we bring him to the hospital.
- You know what I mean.
- No I don't
I don't know how to get rid of somebody
without getting rid of him.
Kai. Shut up now, I have to think.
"And here are the results of the Bundesliga games:
SC Freiburg - Werder Bremen 2:1...
...Borussia Dortmund - 1860 Mnchen 1:3...
...Bayer Leverkusen looses against FC Bayern Mnchen 0:3,
all three goal were scored by Mehmet Scholl..."
Mehmet is pretty hot at the moment, ay?
...Mehmet......hot.
No no, Mehmet is not hot, Mehmet is glowing.
They are thinking about coating the stadium
so that he won't stick.
I think Mehmet is the only guy in the world...
...that I'd give a blow job.
Seriousely
Mehmet has style, and he looks handsome.
...good legs, good body, good face...
I'm not saying that you won't do it, but...
...maybe Mehmet Scholl wouldn't be the only guy tht you'd give a blowjob.
What? no, don't get me wrong...
...I'd never suck anybodies d*ck.
I'm only saying if....
...if then only Mehmet.
Ok, alright.
Imagine you'd really give hime a blowjob.
And imagine his d*ck is really good.
You'd do it one, twice, three, four, five,...
probably ten times.
...but at the 11th time you'd hear this slight knocking...
...in your head...
....from the inside....
...and you know why?
- You'll tell me.
- Yea I'll tell you.
Because in your head lives a little man,...
...who knocks aginst you sculp from the inside...
...harder and harder and harder.
Untill it sounds as if he's hammering "BAM BAM"...
...against your synapses.
And when you raise your head between Mehmets legs for the 20th time...
...then you'll start listening to the little man...
...You'd listen, and you knwo what he sais?
- What?
He'd say: "Stefan, listen Mehmets d*ck is pretty good,...
...but are you sure that it's really the best?"
Yea, you laugh. Aren't there much better...
...nicer and bigger d*cks in the world?"
And you'd think, and at some point you'd do it...
...you'd suck them all. ...
...you'd suck the big, the small, the yellow, the black, the green, the red...
- Yea I got it!
Ok, alright. Then you'd suck them all,
always searching for the ultimate d*ck.
Going from one d*ck to another.
But the reason is not that you like sucking d*ck,
the reson is a different one, you know it?
The reson is the little man living in your head...
...the little "I'm never satisfied" man lives in your head...
cause you're never happy with what you have
or what you're doing.
- Awesome theory.
- Yea it's a fact.
With Jenny you can't smoke pot,
with Gina you can't f**k...
...when we're sitting in the pizzeria you should be studying.
When we're together getting stoned you always think about your studies.
The little "I'm never satisfied" man is sitting in your head...
...and therefore Mehmet Scholls' d*ck
would never be the only one you'd suck.
- Awesome thanks.
- You're welcome
You know sometimes I think...
...if I really would have done my beach cafe...
...and everything would have gone excellent...
...sun, beach, an own existance...
But if then you realize that you're still not happy.
That would be horrible.
So it's nice having an excuse for not being happy.
Yea it's also good to have an excuse for sucking d*ck.
Basically the only problem is that we don't have any problem.
Oh s**t
s**t
Ok, stay cool.
s**t, it's over man.
Stay calm.
Step out of the car.
Alright guys.
If I search your glove compartment, what will I find?
Condoms or weed?
- Excuse me?
- What are two guys doing in the middle of the night
out on the fields?
Either they f**k or they smoke a joint.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
- It's alrigth guys.
I am ok with that.
Better to smoke a joint every now and then,...
...than getting drunk all the time.
- With dealers I have no mercy.
- That's right.
- But personal use is ok.
- Yes
- There you go
- Thanks
- Just open the trunk please.
- Why?
Just routine.
Well I can tell you what's in there, 2 corpses and 3 kg drugs.
Ohh that joke is old.
You f**king pigs!
f**ker
-I'm sorry, he can't help it.
-Pig p*s*ys!
- He's got one of these menthal disorders.
- Tourette, right?
- Exactely
- Doesn't he have his pills?
He forgot them at home.
((Gay dogs!))
I told him to take them but he forgot.
((a**hole king, you monkey d*cks!))
He should take them quickly.
I hope it's no problem with insulting an officer?
((Fatpussys!))
No problem, he doesn't know what he's doing.
Just like when you're completely drunk.
((Motherfuckers! Dirty damn Nazi-communists!))
Interesting, what is the blood alcohol limit for that?
((Pigs!))
Around 2 per mill.
But now it's about time you take him home.
ugler!
"Nazi-communists. Motherfuckers."
"Nazi-communists. Motherfuckers."
"Gay dogs?"
Dude!
By the way, they gave me an idea.
And if he still remembers?
The cop didn't say anything about amnesia?
They won't beleive him.
Plus they will think it's an excuse anyway,
cause got drunk and screwed things up.
The cops will find him in his car.
Off the road, and hammered drunk.
- They will find him??
- Sure, we call anonymusely.
Yea alright.
- Ok, put the head on your shoulder.
- Ok.
Fill him up.
- Open up.
- There you go.
- Did he swallow it?
- Don't know.
Ach, s**t.
Once again. Further back with the head.
Further.
Open wide.
Yeaaa now he's got it.
s**t, that's not working.
It's all going down the windpipe.
We have to put it in his gullet.
How's that gonna work?
Pick him up.
Which one is the gullet? Right or left?
How should I know?
You can't stick a hose down his throat.
- Got any better idea?
- No but...no.
- Right or left?
- Don't know, right?
- Or maybe left?
- Come on pick a choice.
We divide the responsbility.
You tell where and I stick it in.
- OK: right.
- Right it is.
- Or maybe left?
- Oh come on, just tell me where!
- Left
- Left?
- Yes left.
Left it is then.
- I didn't know unconscious people can puke.
- Yea they can. Ben Scott died of his own puke.
The stomache should be empty now, right?
- Alright, right or left?
- Right.
- Who was Ben Scott anyway?
- The former singer of AC/DC.
- So, since when do you like AC/DC?
- I don't.
- 38% alkocohol, are that 2 per mil already?
- Let's better be sure.
So that was it?
Yes
Wanna smoke a joint?
- The crops are in the trunk?
- Yea we can take that.
Alright guys. Drug search department.
THE UNMASKING
I can remember a game where Mehmet got disqualified...
...he rerally provoked it. Saw a yellow card but he just didn't stop...
And when Bayern receives a goal.
He just kicked down his opponent from behind. And gets the red card.
And what does Mehmet?
Mehmet calms down immediately.
He leaves the field without protest and accepts his punishment.
Cause he just knows that he went too far this time.
Ok, now we got a serious problem.
- Open the trunk.
- No.
- That's a police officer.
Exactely, and if you let him out we go to jail. Stop it.
It's through, it's over.
I can't stand that anymore!
Stefan! Don't panic, first...
Stop it!
First we see what options we have, ok?
Options? What options do we have left?
You're nuts, we're not going to do this.
We agree that we can't hurt him right?
So we got only one option.
We have to talk to a professional lawyer.
A judge. A judge like your father,
who would do everything to get his son out of this s**t.
- Completely normal, eh?
- I won't do it. I'm not going in there. We won't do that!
OK, listen.
It's the 90th minute. We're one goal down.
The damn game is pretty much lost.
We have only one last chance.
If we take that we might make it to overtime, ok?
Maybe we get a f**king golden goal.
Then we still have only lost...
...but you just want to wait here for the whistle?
I tell you one thing: Mehmet would have tried.
Are you not getting this?
We're sitting here. Back in the trunk is....
...and you have the nerves to come up
with a f**king golden goal theory?
Don't you get it that this is exactely the bulls**t that got us here?
What do you mean with that?
I mean all this hanging around. Talking "stylish" nonsense, smoking pot all the time...
All that "cool" bulls**t.
Listen, we're not cool.
You and me are not cool.
We're two loosers hanging out in a crappy pizzeria...
...diletantely dealing dope...
...and having there lifes completely messed up now.
Man, we could have killed him.
You..you're not getting it.
You little backwooded bigmouth just don't get it.
You don't get it.
I just can't beleive that I joined in your bulls**t for all that time.
Did I force you into anything?
You could have left at any time. No problem.
So don't blame me alone for all that s**t, ok?
You're a coward.
You want to change your life?: Go ahead change it.
You're always whining. Always complaing about things,...
...about Franka, about Schngeist,
and how fucked up they are.
You're right, but you know what?
The are fucked up, but with conviction.
And therefore they have a thousand times more class than you,
cause they beleive in what they're doing.
and you?
You still sit here whining around instead of getting up you a**.
Seems like you're not getting that. They'll put you away.
Going to jail. Picture that.
You think dady will finally be proud of you then?
Alright boys. Tell me what happened.
Well...
The pizzeria, where we work...
Is not really about pizza...
...that is just a cover.
I fact we sell drugs from there.
...hash, marihuana...
-...bioskunk...
...anything...
The customers order on the phone, and we deliver home.
No hard drugs, only cannabis products.
We sold so far...
...20 kilo alltogether.
I guess.
A few weeks ago an under cover detective infiltrated our business.
- He didn't reveal his cover cause he wanted to get our sources.
- You know what that means?
Wait, that's not the whole truth yet.
Yesterday we took him to the plantation.
After we harvested about 3kg weed...
...he tried to bust us, in flagranti.
- Wait, there is still more.
- Of course, excuse me.
So when he wanted to bust us we grabbed him...
...and put him in the trunk of my BMW.
And he is still in there now.
And the car is parked outside in the driveway.
That's it.
I have an old friend back from my days as public prosecutor.
And how are you planing to keep your man quiet?
I threaten him with disciplinary proceedings.
Suppression of evidence, unallowed methods...
And if he still talks nobody will beleive him.
You know how many black sheep we have in our own rows.
- Again, thank you for everything.
- No problem
I have kids myself.
The 3 kg? In the car? Good.
Dad really hauled him over the coals that night.
He said if he fails his exam hell is gonna break loose.
Since then he completly seales himself off and studies.
I wonder how he is doing.
I called Gina some days ago and told her that it's over.
She got an american guy now.
That slut.
He didn't keep in touch with you?
You may now start the exam.
Why don't you call him?
Want a shootie?
I go deliver these, ok?
It's weird that I didn't have to think about my father.
Or about the fact that I now pick a so called "choice for life".
No. When I slowly began to like the idea
to just not finish the exam...
...I had to think about Kai...
...and the theories he would have made up
about all these weirdos here.
They will say that I should have directed my departure
a little more spectacular...
...rip up my paper or something.
But that would have been to theatrical.
You should always keep a certain style.
- Hi
- Hi
You know, I just happened to be in the area, so i thought...
That's nice
- Unfortunately I'm a bit in a hurry.
- Why?
Gotta home to pack my things.
I want to go to the airport.
Seriousely?
Well I can give you a ride, if you want.
Don't you want to cut it?
- Why?
- Well why do you think? I surely wasn't going to eat it.
By the way, you know what I read the other day?
Eleniak, you know?
She got fired in Baywatch only because,...
...cause she was nagging about Hasselhoff all the time...
Yea
- You were wrong man.
- Alright, ok.
- But I did it with style, right?
- That's right