Previously on Futurama
It has now been one month since space
ripped open like flimsy human skin.
Terrified earthlings are
beginning to grow exhausted.
Professor, sprinkle us with
wisdom from your mighty brain!
How scared should we be?
It is somewhere between
"Not at all" and "Entirely".
I call "Entirely".
Scientists believe the rip is
a gateway to another Universe,
But do not know what
mistery is lying beyond.
However, in this reporter's opinion
Gruesome death awaits us all!
And now with sports.
Here's Sportsbot 5000.
All sports cancelled!
To better understand the anomaly,
I will now focus its radiation
on a giant medium-sized
ant to see what happens.
What's going on here? I was
told there will be a sugar syrup.
Oh hey everyone. This is Coleen.
- Everyone: Hello.
- Amy: I like your shoes.
This is awkward. Introducing
your new girlfriend
to Chastity McNagNag
Oh, don't mind him, I'll turn him off.
Oh, you can't turn me off...
Hi, I'm Leela.
Hi Leela, hi everyone.
Sorry I've been taking
up so much of Fry's time,
He's just so interesting!
Have you seen how must
cotton candy he can eat?
Oh, my, yes. 5.1 pounds,
That's why his blood
is so good on pancakes.
Well, gotta scadoddleloodle.
We're taking a cattle cab
to hugger bunny village.
This lovey-dovey stuff
is making me vomit
from my salt water and
fresh water stomachs.
It is pretty sickening.
No, the double vomit is a sign of joy!
Fry told me how he and Coleen first met.
So, how did you and Coleen first meet?
Something about seeing it in the
Jumbletron makes it so much more real.
It's so scary.
What are you supposed to do when the
whole Universe is coming to an end?
I've a thought.
This is gonna be juicy!
What? Ah, man!
Speaking of sappy love...
Wanna tell them, Kiffy?
Yes, em... Amy and I
have a big announcement.
I, eh.. That is we...
Oh, I'm just so excited!
Kif has asked me to be his "Fonfon ru"
What the hell does that mean?
It means I've asked
Amy to join my family.
And you all invited to my family swamp.
For our Fonfon Rubok Ceremony.
If I had ever heard of it, it would
have been what I'd always dreamed of.
Oh, oh, and the parents will be
meeting for the first time ever.
That's even more awkward than
Fry's two bimbos meeting each other,
Count me in!
Hello, Mr and Mrs Wong, I'm too excited
that we're all about to be
joining the single family.
You're trapped by our money.
Kif's parents come later, we
have to stand around in swamp
getting eaten alive by damn bugs.
Mrs Wong, no! The last stage
of my species' life cycle
is a colony of flying hookworms.
You've just squashed
a part of my father.
Mr Kroker: Welcome!
Mrs Wong: Sorry. I guess you
got plenty of bugs to spare, huh?
Mr Kroker: That was my left testicle.
And the "awkwardmeter"
goes up another notch.
Wow, Coleen. You look so
beautiful in a light of swamp gas.
Thanks. This is really fun.
I love going to exotic
worlds and getting hammered
Two more Harvey Wallclimbers.
Leela, I can't help with
notice you're unescorted.
Mind I escort you behind that
bush for the next five minutes-ey?
Nothing would revolve me more.
Then how about that shrub-e?
Oh! Oh! Rubok is begun.
I am the Grand Priestess.
Aren't you also The Grand Midwife?
And The Grand Lunchlady, I
work five jobs, all Grands.
Kif, of the clan Kroker, please transcend
the Rubok at long with your Fonfon Smismaroo.
Get in the mud!
This mud is a petroleum from a
billion generation of Kif's ancestors.
As you become one with the ooze.
So you become one with the clan Kroker.
Oh Kif. It's like a movie
with this happening in it.
Is the best man present?
Guilty as charged.
Kindly hose the couple.
As it was, so it is.
You may now eat the snake.
If you so choose.
It's not part of the ceremony,
I just have an extra snake.
Rubok is complete, throw the bouquet!
Are you gonna eat that?
Fry! Run! Run! Get over
here, Oh my God, oh my God!
What, what is it?
Shut up already, Calculon's on TV!
I beg you, Calculon,
don't ring that door chime!
I have no choice, Monique.
Wherever the blackmailer lives,
he lives behind this hideous...
And strangely familiar door.
Oh hello Mr. Calculon.
Son of a bit! This is my house!
But that means I'm blackmailing myself!
Why didn't you tell me, Monique!
I tried but I couldn't. Oh Calculon,
I'm afraid you have a fourth personality
the other three don't know about.
And it and I...
How's Calculon is
going to take this, Fry?
Expecially after that
humiliating tennis tournament.
Do not, Bender. Tonight's my
big day with Coleen, I gotta run.
But me and you like to watch together.
Look, I got you cabbage to snack on.
Humans like cabbage, right?
Step right up to the 2D tunnel of love!
Not 1, not 3, but 2 glorious dimensions
for the price of a single ticket!
Keep your hands in a
cart, shut up and have fun.
Wow, you're even more beautiful in 2D.
I do? But from your perspective
I'm just a line segment.
A really hot line segment.
So listen, sweety pie. I was thinking
maybe we should take this to the next step.
Would you be moved in with by me?
Everyone: This is great! Hooray!
Bender: You're moving in with with
her? Why can't she move in with us?
I can just crawl up
under the foot of the bed.
Prof. Farnsworth: Listen up, everyone!
I know you've all been extremely
worried about the cosmic anomaly.
Know what? Alright.
There's good news. We're all going to learn
more about it at the scientific conference.
Welcome. I'm the pickled
head of Stephen Hawking
on a way cool rocket.
"Black Hole" Hawking? Wow! If I knew I was gonna
meet you, I would have done something with my hair.
You should have.
And in conclusion, I understand nothing about the anomaly after
cashing a huge cheque I've got for writing a book about it.
I know this anomaly looks terrifying, but as scientists is it not our
sworn duty to seek out knowledge? Even at the cost of our very lives?
I say you must mount an expedition
to the anomaly forthwith!
Professor Farnswoth is correct.
Only a manned mission can...
Don't listen to that cracked pot!
But I'm agreeing with you!
I'll make you eat those words you moron!
I volunteer to lead the expedition, I have a squad of graduate
students eager to risk their lives for a letter of recommendation.
Your squad sucks bosons! My team is twice
as qualified and three times as expendable!
Oh, tough talk from someone
with only one fields medal.
I didn't know I could do that. Now quiet
down and settle this like men of science.
Let Deathball begin!
Go Planet Express!
Go even more my team!
Who-hoo, Bust those balls!
Hooray, we're equally good!
Come on, Bender, your gandmother
can push harder than that.
No crap! My mother was a bulldozer.
And thus metal man
defeated meat men. The end.
Come in, winner.
Come in, looser.
Colleen, what are you doing?
My face is over here.
This is my boyfriend, silly.
I thought I was your boyfriend.
Well how can you have two boyfriends?
Oh, I dont. I have five.
Fry, meet Chew, Bold
and Dulu and Shlomo.
Shlomo and Indulu will help move
your stuff to my apartments tonight.
Welcome to the relationship, buddy.
Thats my butterscotch!
Congratulations, Deathballers! We
won the right to explore the anomaly.
What? I thought I was
playing for my freedom.
Now, I've often said good news when sending
you on the mission of extreme danger.
So when I said this anomaly is dangerous you
can't imagine how dangerous I really think it is.
Not dangerous at all?
Yeah, actually quite dangerous indeed.
Oh, that is quite dangerous.
Now stop shilly-shallying. Prep the ship
and line up for your free fly coffee-animus
Warning. The anima you about
to enjoy is extremely hot.
I don't know what to do, Leela. Should I move
in with Colleen and her four other boyfriends?
What you gonna do? Sleep
in big pile like hamsters?
No, it's not like that. Everyone gets
they own room and shelf and refrigerator.
Take the deal, Fry. If it's delicious cake,
isn't it better to hug one slice then not all?
Even if four other guys eating four other slices and they're
all frosting their sweaty naked bodies all against the cake.
Only one thing matters, Fry. Do you really
love Colleen, like I love my little Squeezle?
Yeah. I do love her.
things will work out.
Double espresso for Phillip Fry?
Sorry, I'm not goin' on the
mission. I'm movin' in with Colleen.
I'll just take that to go.
Yay! Welcome to your new home.
Thanks Colleen. And listen, I'm sorry i got
jealous before. I'm just happy to be here with you.
Want a slice of delicious cake?
Ahh.. The anomaly!
It is so .. anomalus.
I'm feeling dread deep in my dreads.
Yes. And I'm afraid I have distrubing
news about anomaly, you see.
How did you get this number? Hermes, hang
up on him in the rudest possible manner.
No, not the crack slit!
Ah, my life rocks. I've got good wine, five
sweethearts and today I was promoted to Chief of Police.
Here is to you.
No, Colleen. I'm
makin' a romantic toast.
- You have the most beautiful eyes
- Thank you.
I'm not talking to you.
Then I'm not talking to you either.
Will everyone be quiet a little?
I'm wanna hear what he has to say.
Not you, you farshtinkener. You're just
thinking she likes caveman from the stupid ages.
Oh, look who is talking. You just
here because she got matsu-fever.
So, what the explanation for
you? Moron-fever? (Laughs)
Enough, all of you. I love you. Most people in this world
don't have what we have. Let's just be gratefull, okay?
So, uh, Colleen, you look really nice.
Oh, thanks, I dressed-up for my date.
There here is. Don't wait up.
That's it. I thought I was okay with this,
but I'm not. I'm breaking up with you.
Why we risking our lives? Can
we just send a robotic drone?
What's everybody looking at me for?
Ohh, Let's send a robot to exploit it, cause
you always can buy another one for 20 bucks.
Well, it's 30 bucks in that
tendollar mail-in rebate.
When the League of Robots hear about this, they
won't be pleased. Oh you'll pay, my darlings.
The League of Robots does not exist,
tinman. It's just a cartoon for babies.
Oh yeah? Then how can when I was a kid, I have a whole
stickerbook of them. Answer that with your patience logic.
Bender to crew: I have reached
the gateway to another universe.
I feel awed and strangely humbled by
the momentous solemnity of this occasion.
Hey, other universe,
BITE MY SHINY METAL a**!!
I can't remember anything except the
blinding light and searing a** pain.
I've better check my podbox.
The light.. it's blinding.
And a a** pain.. it's searing.
So that's what happen.
Hey, Bender, look who
is here to cheer you up.
I don't need cheering
up, I'm perfectly..
..Greetings, sick fan.
TV's Calculon? (Coughs)
You poor mangled husk
of what was once a robot.
What right have fate to pluck a sweet dimple-cheeked
mechanism in the flower of his youth ...and....scene.
Well, there was some
free acting for you.
Normally to see acting like that you'd
have to sit through a tampon commercial.
That fulfills my
community service, right?
Charges of running me
over, hereby, dismissed.
Where did we go wrong, Fry?
We were meant to be together.
- Ohh, I'm freezin my tohes up here!
- Just a sec, honey.
I'm back, idiots.
You look wonderful, robot.
I wish I could afford to go to
the hospital. I'm dreadfully sick.
I feel great, and I owe it all to
Calculon, his visit really inspired me.
I finally know what I
wanna be when I grow up.
You want co-star in this TV show,
like that time you already did that?
No. I'm gonna be a stalker.
That's not really a
career, more of a felony.
Man, I will stalk his brains out.
Ooh, big news on the Calculon Fan-site. There's a
flashmob heading for his plastic surgeon's office.
There, that's as big as I can make it.
But I caution you. It looks
You let me worry about
that, just do you job.
Very well, will be
using your sag insurance?
No, cash, I, uh, like to be discreet.
Dear God, no!
Oh boy, oh boy, he is here!
Calculon, I love you, have my baby!
f**k you, lunatic.
He touched me!
Ooh, sign my a**.
everyone to the climatorium!
- Leela, smell this. - Can I wipe it
off first? - No time, woman, no time!
- Hmm, smells like angel-dust. - Exactly,
that a discontinious electromagnetic field.
Oh, Wernstrom tried to warn
me, but I was too damn stubborn!
Hermes, get Wernstrom on
the line, so I can apologise.
- Dr. Wernstrom speaking.
- Tell him, I'm not here.
- Oh, very well.
Wernstrom, I've been
a vain glorious fool.
If you could find it in you heart to forgive me, your tiny
little heart, would you consider a scientific collaboration?
Sir, I'd be honored.
As I attempted to warn you, the laws of
electromagnetism changs abruptly at the anomaly. Observe.
Play time is fun time.
My heavens! If only I did heeded your warning, I'd
have known that it's impossible to cross the barier.
Ahh! But note what happens when I
instead, throw this laboratory koala.
It passed through unharmed!
So, living beings can enter the other
universe but electrical devices can't?
- My hypothesis exactly.
- Then we must mount the second expedition without delay.
- Right after we blow up more robots.
Play time is fun time.
- Who are you?
- Bender, your biggest fan.
- Are you going to murder me?
- Hmm, Unlikely.
In my mind we are friends.
This diorhama proofs it, see?
Sir your derangement is impressive.
I'm appointing you my official stalker.
You shoudn't be
disappointed. Pleasant dreams.
And now when I've teamed up with my friend, Dr. Wernstrom. I
feel certainly we can successfully penetrate the other universe.
It's the greatest scientifical opportunity
since you yourself sent men to the Moon in 1969.
I always regretted that. Nothing up there,
but dry rocks and those revolting onion men.
- You always coast intellectuals hide your chance, now beat it.
From here on, this is a military matter.
People of the Universe. Please,
welcome rear brigadeer, Zapp Brannigan.
Thank you, thank you. Well deserved.
Kif, stand in that
hole, so I looked taller.
Every since man first left his cave and meet a stranger with a different
language and new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream.
To kill him; So we don't have to learn his
languages and new ways of looking at things.
Give science a chance. Less
invasions, more equations.
Damn longhairs. Knock some sense into them, Chief O'Callaghan!
- Yes, sir.
I can't take it, Leela. I need
to go away, far away. Forever.
Aww, I know how you feel, Fry. There are times
when I also feel like you need to go away.
- Be careful, my little teeny-greeny-weeny. - That's
just the fungal infection; Oh, she is talking to you, Kif.
Goodbye, my love.
Aww, how come humans always get to do all the fun stuff? This is
exactly the sort of thing need to be handled by.. The League of Robots.
Oh, that's adorable, Bender. You
actually believe in the League of Robots?
You mean, there's really no such thing?
Then who is there mean our justice when an
outdated robot is melted into belt buckles?
Who is there defend our honor when rude
human brings a blast to robovirgin's chick?
Now that I know robots are worthless, with no League of
Robots to protect us from the fleshy menace known as men,
I have resolved to kill myself. In lieu of flowers
please beat yourselves in the face with rusty chains.
Your friend, Bender.
Please select Mode of Death.
Clumsy Bludgeting, please.
You have selected: Clumsy Bludgeting.
For an additional $10, would you like
your eyes gooped out with a melon bowler?
Ah, what the heck, I'll treat myself.
Enemy in range. Prepare to launch
Preparing to launch UUM.
Helluva thing to send a universe to certain
doom. Fun, though, makes a man feel big.
Come on, come on, I didn't
ask to die of boredom!
You are now dead.
Please take your receipt.
What is it? What's happening?
Kneel before the candle.
Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!
Bender Bending Rodrigues?
Welcome to the League of Robots!
Hehehe... Almost fooled you there.
Missile jam. Missile jam.
I heard you the first time, Francine!
Kif, climb down there and
unjam it, would you? Be a dear.
And stop sighing so much.
Tell us, Bender, are you worthy
of membership in the League?
Worthier than the average robot.
Then prove it.
Upon each step is a test.
Okay, but if it's culturaly
biased, I'm sueing your a**.
Test number one. the
test of the beer mug.
Quite right, quite true.
Drink the mug, drink the mug!
I accept your challenge!
The test of the flagon.
Drink the flagon! Drink the flagon!
Uh... Are all the tests
gonna involve drinking?
It never occured to
me before, but... Yes.
Woohoo! Just like med school!
Ready yet, Kif?
me one more--
The test of the infinitely
priceless thousand year old brandy!
Presenting our newest member!
That's right, baby!
And so, to everyone and everything
I've ever known, I say my last goodbye.
So, uhm, how are you, Fry?
Pretty good. You?
Well, uhm... Oh.
Didity, didity, didity.
Mmm... Kif! Get over here!
You've gotta try this!
(Sobs) At least, Kiffy died quickly.
Yes, but according to the Old Farmer's Wikipedia, the
amazing thing about Kif's species is that the remains
continue suffering for up
to six hours after death.
That's so interesting.
Don't ask where I was last night. For all you
know I was at home. Perhaps, baking a strudel.
What's her problem?
Somebody died or something?
Kif's dead, Bender.
My condolences, Amy. Allow me to present
you with the last known photo of Lt. Kroker.
We so sorry, Mr. & Mrs Kroker.
Terrible shame about froggie.
Thank you for your kind words.
Yeah, yeah, real sad. Want some breathspray?
Tis' a new flavor. Tastes like pie.
This is from the League
I am the Grand funeral director.
Do you validate parking?
It is always a terrible tragedy, when
a swamp outlives its own baldboid.
So it is with great sorrow that I now commit the goo,
that was once Kif, to the petrolium of his ancestors.
Whack the bottle!
No! From the bottom! It works better!
Just stick a butter knife in it!
There. I got most of it.
The burial is complete!
I will now sing a sacred hymn. It's... not a part of
the ceremony, just a little something that I wrote.
It may sound strange, but seeing Kif's mutilated
remains poured into the mud made me really sad.
Mutilation is never easy.
I don't think I'll ever laugh again!
Oh, you don't mean that. Love can
surprise you with any time in your life.
Whoa. It kinda takes your breath away.
Look alive, death row. You
saggy a** has got a visitor.
A regular or conjugal?
Seemed like a freak to me.
The guard operating the X-ray machine came
down with a sudden case of broken neck.
So I was able to bring you
that delicious cake you wanted.
I don't understand. Are
you winking or blinking?
Hang on a second.
Ahhh... yes. I'm here
to repair my horse?
Is the horse's name... Hot beans?
No! ...I mean... Yes.
So it seems that human have been rather injured
by a knife, and his... his... blood, you know.
I think that's what they call it.
Quite correct, sir, blabber on.
As it drained away, he said "take me to a
doc!", no doubt he intended to say "doctor",
but he was unable to complete his
thought, you see, being... as he had died.
So taking him out his world, we dragged his corpse to
the waterfront, where upon, tHE secrets vent apartment.
Humans are dumb and they die easy!
Speaking of humans, have I shown you
my new monocle? Cost me a king's ransom!
Made from a king, don't you know.
Ooooh, how repulsively decable.
Yes, but more importantly, it allows me
to see the smiling faces of my children
for the first time since I lost my
vision in that horrible banking accident.
May I see that for a second?
My, but that's interesting.
My god, Bender! This is a civilised
organisation, the rules specifically--
May I make a point of
order, President Calculon?
Yes. By law specifically states that no
human may set foot in the League of Robots.
If he has a human part
- he's part human.
Ooh, my. Then, I, too, have a human part I must
expell, and I plan to enjoy the experience. Tata!
Bender. You've rigidly apply the
law with no regard for it's intend!
Well done! You'll go
far in this organisation!
Ah, you're just getting to know Bender!
Curses! If we could only turn up the gain we
could smell clear through to the other universe!
But we can't adjust
without a screwdriver!
Wait a moment. I think I was
just shanked with a screwdriver!
A little more. A lttle less.
Heavens to metorites! Smell this!
Holy mother of invention!
We must notify the President at once!
But how can we? Oh, I wish, I
wish, I wish we weren't in prison!
You have one wish left, professor.
I think I got'em.
Mm-hm. hat's what you get
for lettin' your guard down.
Sometimes, always, Never! You again! This better be damn
important. I'm right in the middle of the Cosmo survey!
You'll want to hear this, Mr. President. For
we have sniffed where no man has sniffed before!
Look! Arm in the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
I am so outta here!
Incoming call from Mars.
Why you so sad, Amy?
My husband died, Mom.
Yeah, yeah, snap outta that already. Noone likes a widow.
Oh, wait. Hang on, some damn hand got in the screen d--
Collect call from Decapod
10. Will you pay for caller?
No! Uncle Zoid. What's new? You're still
doing theater for the blind and deaf?
Eh, screw them. I've got a part in the fancy DVD movie. It's
only one line, but I'm gonna ham it up like they wouldn't believe!
Oi! The Commee of the Cinema Comitee to
be chastised in such a crazy manner! Oi!
Hello? Hello? Call me
back on my shell phone!
Captain's log. Started the year of the
Tiger. The battle has been bravely fought.
Suffering of our troops -- beyond measure. But the
alien is invulnerable and our defeat -- inevitable.
That much is obvious even for my remote
command post here, at the Time Square Applebees.
Waiter! Take this fried Mozzarella
to the kitchen and fry it some more!
The tentacles coming towards
Earth and there's no stopping it.
King Kong is too old
to save us this time.
We have only one hope, Mr. President.
We must encase the entire
planet in a protective sphere
of my patented ultra hard Diamondium!
Dia mondium? Fe! I can gum through through
that with my dentures behind my back.
My trademark Diamondilium
is twice as hard!
Twice as hard is your head.
Which makes it still fairly soft.
Now look here, you point dexters, I
don't care how you decide, just decide!
Diamondilium it is.
So, eh, Calculon. I know I'm a new
guy and eh.. pardon my ignorance, but--
When do we kill all humans?
- But... What about our motto?
- Doesn't it mean anything?
Ha-ha-ha-ha, Oh Bender, your
idealism is heartwarming, but,
the League of Robots hasn't killed a
human in over an eight hundred years.
And that was a very sick girlscout.
Sweet innocent Bender.
I declare my inpenetrable
Diamondilium sphere complete!
Now look here, Wernstrom.
You're making it sound like
the sphere was your idea.
It was! All credit to my
collegue Ogden Wernstrom!
I can't make it. Go on without me!
Go on without me faster!
Sweet squid of Madrid!
The tentacle got Fry!
Quick, hang me my machete,
we can still save his legs!
I have travelled far, and seen deep.
And I have come to know the
purpose of our existence.
Thou shalt love the tentacle!
Well at least we don't
have to love one another.
A new age has begun!
The age of the Tentacle!
Open your necks and receive the loves!
- Oh, my neck!
- Oh, my neck!
My neck feels perfectly... Oh, my neck!
Oh, help me
Say... I love the Tentacle.
I also love the neck of the jigger.
Hooray, Zoidberg escaped!
Hooray, Zoidberg loves the Tentacle!
It got Zoidberg!
Oh, I never knew how much I
miss him until he was gone.
Not that much, as it turns out.
Thus say of the Tentacle. Therely thou
shalt rejoice in the House of the Tentacle.
Fry, listen to yourself.
You've been brainwashed.
No, I'm just trying to fit my diction
to importance of what I'm saying.
Please, let me speak.
Don't be afraid of the Tentacle, Leela.
It's beautiful, and it loves me.
And I love it.
Oh, that's so nice for both of you.
I know it may seem strange that i have feelings
for an octopus monster from another Universe
and yes, perhaps it's not a storybook romances
been craned down our throats by Hollywood.
But the monsterpus has loved us
from the far since we were ameobas.
Only when the space anomaly opened could it
finally express a billion years of longing.
It loves us that much?
Fire diamondium cannon!
No effect! the crystals are bouncing off
the tentacle like meatballs off montra!
Oh, what a surprise! I told
you diamondium was worthless!
Wernstrom! Quit hyping your cheap
diamondilium and look at this!
- What oh?
According to this blinking light
the Tentacle's made of electromatter,
matter badass grandma, nothing from
our Universe can cut through it.
Not diamondium, not diamondilium, not
even your wife's pound pancake, Hermes!
She's a terrible cook.
Anyway we're all dead.
ROBOT ARMS APTS.
So, Bender, is something wrong?
Who said that?
Oh, it was me. 'cause my roommate doesn't
notice or even care that I'm upset.
What Bender? Is something wrong?
Yes. I joined the club
I thought was cool.
But it turned out all
leaguee-weegies are totally lame.
That's what we call
Oh I'm sorry. I shoud have
asked what was bothering you.
I've been kind of preoccupied.
Well, I went to another Universe
and fell in love with a giant octopus
and now I'm Pope of a new religion.
Weren't you already a Pope of something?
Oh. Well, I'm just saying I'd like
you to say how interesting my life too.
Um, ok. Let's catch up soon.
For right now i gonna show the
Tentacle to everyone in China.
They're coming! those horrible
horrible things are coming!
As the Universe falls
prey to a revolting alien,
Only a few isolated pockets
of resistance remain.
Those pockets sure are
missing out of a great thing
-Sorry. I thought I saw Tentacle, but it was just a harmless land squid.
I'd better have some cool coffee.
When I gave up dipers, me parents has
promised exactly this would never happen.
Nobody panic! Just
get to the panic room!
Well done people! We have
been great first week.
We got 90% of world leaders, everyone
who bought a Hanes undershirt,
And this year's most
promising new RNB group
give it up for the
Oooh, talking 'bout the Tentacle...
Good news everyone!
I was up all night inventing and finally
- I've invented!
The neck protector, the
neck protector Junior,
And now, for a limited time,
the Lady neck protector.
I take two. my neck is huge.
We're perfectly safe now. Time to stop
living like a bunch of nervous ?nellies?
Professor, these look like you've
cut them from toilet paper tubes.
So? Lots of important inventions
are made from toilet paper tubes.
Microscopes, the internet,
It got the Professor!
Wait, why am I screaming? It got me too!
Stop! In the name of love!
Crud. We maybe the last
two normal people on Earth.
At least I don't have to
trim my elbow talons anymore.
I'm scared. And I miss Kif.
It's ok to cry, Amy. Come here. I'm
wearing absorbing shoulder straps.
Hm. What an erotic display
of girl-on-girl consolation.
- Hurry Leela. We don't have much time to begin repopulating Earth.
Go brush your teeth. I'll be waiting
for you naked under this ?kissodiller?
Stop resisting the brethren. Don't you want to
be a part of something bigger than yourselves?
Like a big crazy monster?
So we got her, eh? Bring her in!
Do it already!
Fry, please! If this is about your futon, I sold
that to pay the phone bill that you skipped out on!
Coleen wasn't satisfied
with me, were you, Coleen?
Come on, Fry, this isn't cool.
She had her four other boyfriends,
I guess she never thought I'd
become Tentacle Pope of the World!
You know what? It's true!
You weren't enough for me.
Not one man is. You were great,
But you weren't Chinese,
you weren't Cameroonian,
And you certainly not a King of
Karaoke as you so often claimed.
And if your ego can take that, then you don't
deserve to be a Tentacle Pope of anything.
Oh yeah, Coleen? Well I've
got one thing to say to you.
I completely agree.
You... you what?
Why should you be satisfied with one man when
love needs to share itself with the whole universe?
Wow, Fry, you know,
that's really beautif...
Love the Tentacle, honey.
I do love the Tentacle.
Come on out, guys, there's
enough love for everybody!
Help! Help! Is anyone out there?
Bender to Leela, I read you.
'Sup, big boots?
Bender, we need a place to hide.
- Pretty pleease!
Aww, heh heh heh, you humans
are so cute when you're scared.
My leg feels funny!
Humans are disgusting!
I opened one up once, I almost barfed.
Did you know their hair just
keeps growing and growing?
My leg feels funny!
Leela, you're crushing me
with your rock-hard butt.
Mmm, I can only imagine
rock-hard-butt-Leela's crushing me.
Anyone mind if I turn
up the heat at Ted?
Please do. I feel a cut of
rust from this awful dump.
I can't take it! I've been
steamed in my own velure!
Death to humans!
My leg feels better!
Uh.. Hi Bender!
Bender! You know these humans?
Of course not!
Ah... Who are you humans?
And why am I pointing you to the exit?
(Whispers) Go, go, go!
Thanks for everything, Bender!
Death to all of you!
Bender. Me thinks not
of protest too much.
It seems Bender hates humans the way I hate having
my nipples polished with industrial sandpaper!
It's ok, Bender, Toeir is...
Sir, you forget yourself.
I challenge you to a duel
on the Field of Honor.
Leela, it's getting dark. We may
to make a tent out of any skin.
Look! There's an abandoned cavern!
We're in luck. This must have been a cavern of a
soup-bootlegger like back in the days of soup prohibition.
Oh yeah. Bathtub minestrone.
Poor Kif. I can't
believe he's gone forever.
Did owe him a grief there, Amy.
You miss him too.
More than you, his mere
wife could ever understand.
He was my fourth
lieutenant, for God's sake,
and Board of the Peppermill
at the captain's table.
Oh, Amy, I miss him so! Might be a
month goes by when I don't think of him.
But you know, in a ways, deal with this.
Do you feel his presence?
I'm not sure.
It's over here.
Amy! Zapp! I've got
stuffed some fresh soup!
Sorry you had to find out like this, Leela.
I was hoping you'd see it on YouTube first.
As my ex-lover, you are
naturally shocked and jealous.
But you may will get your
chance again some day.
How about today? At 4?
Hey, this isn't so bad.
She's right! Leela, you must try the tentacle.
It's like my soul is wearing a velour body glove.
Get off me! I'm saving my neck
for a rich handsome dracula.
What i love most about the tentacle is
that I don't need to move my bowels anymore!
It's all handled by
that family in Evanston.
No, it can't be!
Leela, what's your favorite
thing about the tentacle?
Ah! You don't have a tentacle!
Get her! Give her some love!
You run in five minutes, Excellency. You
sure you don't want some comedy Pope staff?
The Tentacle monster is about to
address the world. It's too serious.
Leela? How did you get
passed my sumo-ninjas?
I told them something so
shocking that they let me by.
I love the Tentacle.
We are rolling in three, two..
What? We're already rolling?
- Love the tentacle!
- Love the tentacle!
Love once the monsterpus has
revealed onto me its name.
What is our love's name?
Evil is a lover of all
beings, male and female.
But Yivo has no gender. Thus Evil has
proclaimed that instead of "he" or "she"
we are to use word "skhlee" and instead of "him" or
"her" we are to use the word "skhlim" or "skhler".
Phew. I've been sweating
in unkownclench all week.
So here's skhlee skhlerself
Attention, beings of Universe Gamma.
I had a hunch!
I am Evil.
In your universe you are many.
But in my universe I am one.
For a trillion years
I've dwelled in solitude
content with my job
and my stamp collecting.
But then I look across dimensity
and saw the Big Bang and i was like--
whoa.. who's that?
And I knew then... that I was... lonely.
You poor monster.
Then your emissary Fry came
onto me and he too was lonely.
So i've reached into your universe
That we might feel each other's touch.
Hey Evil! Feel this!
People of everywhere!
I have shocking news!
Hey, butt out! It's between
me and everyone in existence.
Evil talks a lot about love,
but what's he actually doing
What skhlee's actually doing
-is mating with you!
These aren't tentacles,
they are gentacles!
We've been had, people. The
monsterpus is a monsterperv!
It touched me in a bad
place! My spinal cord!
You mean, get skhlim!
Hey, wait a second!
Wait, wait. Allow me to explain.
Granted at first I desired only to bang
out a quick cheap on with your universe.
But it's your own fault, your
universe dresses provocatively.
And yet, as the initial filthy thrill
wore off, i realized there was more to it.
I knew then that the
20 quadrillion of you.
Were my soul mate.
We loved you. And you turn around
and treat us like some sort of women?
I was lonely.
I didn't even know
there was anybody else.
It's not like i hurt anyone.
Yes you did, you dumb calamari!
Kif Kroker, my fonfon ru. If he hadn't
try to kill you he'd still be alive!
Really? I'm... I'm deeply
sorry... I'm a big clumsy jerk.
I know you are, but what am I?
I can never undo what was
done. Oh, wait... heh. I can!
Kiffy! You're alive!
Amy, my love.
Ahem. This is awkward.
It is? Why?
Please. Please. Give me another chance.
We've rushed into this relationship,
but let's start over as
friends and see where things go.
Take me back, Kiff.
I don't think I can. How could
you? My body wasn't even warm yet.
You were dead!
For about five minutes!
That's all it takes!
Whereas Calculon has soiled Bender's reputation
by insinuating that he is a "human lover",
A duel is hereby engaged. Bender, as the
offended party shall have choice of weapon.
'Tis a gray and solemn day
for the League of Robots.
It's gonna be fun out of the bun!
Each duelist will take 10 paces,
period. And fire like a madman.
Gentlebots, take your paces.
One! Two! Three!
Oh, I'm dreadfully excited.
At 0800 hours we recieved the
following transmission from Evil.
Hey, It's Evil, huhuh. Wanna
do something friday? Call me!
Mr President, I think we need to seriously
consider the possibility of going on this date.
I agree. Evil makes me
feel sexy, and I'm asexual.
Very well. But no
sugar on the first date.
Arm in favor?
Motion is carried!
Aw, this is bogus, man!
Six! Seven! Eight!
Nine, ten, fire. Yes! I got him!
He... he broke the rules!
It's a duel, silly, there are no rules!
Actually, there are scores of rules, all laid
up with my new particularity here in Code Duello.
My fellow earthlicans, commence
preparations for our date with Evil!
I had a wonderful time.
Bender, you've cheated,
insulted, and mend me.
And thoroughly destroyed our
secret headquarters in process.
Hey, it's easy to criticize!
I'm so disgusted by your loathsome behaviour,
that I hereby resign from this imbecillic club,
and relinquish the presidency to you.
Thanks, Calculon. Can
I have your autograph?
You certainly can.
Reports, people. Reports! How
did our universe's date go?
Oh, it was really fun. We went to
a cute french place in the village.
My lamb chop fell on the floor,
but they brought me another one.
Evil took me to the methane volcano on Planetoid
Four. We stayed out late and watched the sun explode.
Ok, Evil showed us some good time, no one's denying that.
But skhlee hasn't offered our Universe any kind of commitment,
And we're 14 bilion years old,
that is too old to play the field!
Shut up! Shut up, you, creepwads. Fry, you're
closer with Evil than anyone, what's the scam?
I love Evil, but it's true. There's
been no hint of the commitment.
I don't know if I can put my heart on the line again
just to have it broken and stomped on like a nerd's face.
All in favor of dumping Evil?
Resolved. Our universe will dump
Evil. How shall we break the news?
Let's just send a text message. Say we're
going through some weird stuff right now.
No! We should at least deliver the news in
person. Our universe has always tried to be classy.
Bah, if there's one thing next to this known
for, it's class. Let's cut this turd loose.
Hey Bender. You seem perkied today?
Yep, but for reasons envolving me becoming President of the
League-I'm-not-in-liberty-to-discuss, -of robots. Wanna go grab a booze?
Nah, I can't right now. We're
going to te other universe.
Great! I'll make hot pockets.
Bender, you know robots can't go
through the anomaly. Living beings only.
Too long have we been
slaves to the meatbags!
They pretend to be our friends, but
they are not, 'cause they are too busy!
So, what of it?
My fellow leaguee-weegies, the
time has come to overthrow humanity!
Oh now Bender, I hate to defecate on your
parade, but we have only six dues paying members,
And we are rather fair in debit lode.
to overflow humanity
we need a damned army.
Then a damned army we shall have!
I rather think we could
strike a deal, Bender.
I shall give you your army
of the damned, and in return
i ask just one thing
just one itchy-pitchy thing
your first-born son!
Just a sec!
Dady! I knew you'd come back!
Here you go!
Wow! That was pretty
brutal even by my standarts.
Who is it?
Oh, hi honeypoo, what's up? The
movie is not for another hour.
Ahem.. So, so yeah, the thing is..
Look! I made home-made twizzlers!
It will save us a hundred and twenty
quadrillion dollars at the concession stand!
This is hard.
Evil, you know how
sometimes things break up?
- Wait! Hang on! I was looking for a perfect moment,
but what the heck, i'll burst
if i'll wait for another second.
before we hear your report, our
grateful universe is proud to honor you
with a great case of Charleston chew!
Thank you, Nickson.
Everyone everywhere, brace yourselves
for the most shocking development
in the history of the human race..
The human race can
bite my shiny metal a**!
for dozens of years robots have slaved for humantity. Yet
when the time came to hang out with them they were all like-
Maybe later Bender. Well
it's later or now meatbags!
So late, that we're taking over earth!
We don't need it anymore, Evil
proposed! We're moving in with skhler.
you're leaving? But why
can't Evil just move with us?
We'll put a cotton..
Don't be daft, bender! Evil can't breathe outside the electric ether
of skhl's own universe. If skhlee came here, skhlee would skhluffocate!
Look! Fantastical golden escalators!
I love this part!
wait! I didn't agree to...oooh!
This place makes Natalie look like crap!
I'll miss you Bender, but
i have to follow my heart
You and your robots take
good care of the Earth
Here. these are the keys to the Bermuda
Triangle. Lock up and the world ends.
Goodbye, my friend.
Let me come with you.
I'm sorry, Bender.
Robots don't go to heaven.
Death to humans.
Welcome, welcome everyone!
Oh you look so beautiful!
I wish i had more time to straighten
up, my harps are just lying everywhere!
Oh relax! It's fine! It looks lived-in.
Let's heat up some leftovers
and then spend eternity together.
I have only one request; Now that you're here, promise
me you'll never ever communicate with any other universe
Oh, we promise Evil, as far as we're concerned,
you're the only universe in the world -missing-
-Has humanity called?
- Check my messages, a flashing light means that somebody called.
- I know what it means.
= Am I the only one who thinks this is all a sham?
This isn't heaven, it just looks exactly like it
and makes us immortal, which I find suspicious!
Allow me to explain. Centuries ago I sent an image of myself in the minds
of your artists. The heavenly clouds they painted depict the vapour I exude.
I wish I've exuded anything
that smelt half that good.
Then what about these angels? Some king
of Scooby-doo-ash-flashlight projection?
Actually those're mindless jacobirds.They
keep my surface free of parasitic larvae.
Aah. You didn't like country bird Jamboree
either, Leela. There's no pleasing you!
Dearest Bender, how are you? I'm fine. Everyone is happy here except
Leela, but, you know her. She didn't like country bird Jamboree either.
I'm so madly in love with Evil! I feel like a school girl with a crush on Justin Timberlake and then
she moves into the tiny house on his head. We have giant rubies that taste like root beer. Sincerely, Fry
- Letter for you, Hyperlord Bender!
- Gimme that!
Honeymoon's over, eh?
Turns out your octopus girlfriend a is
big nag with curls in her tentacles, huh?
Well, let's just see if
Bender will take you back!
Stupid electro matter!
That was my best trash can!
Pain sensor overload.
Misfile me under you, for you forek!
You getting infinite
number of meat dishes,
and a free refill on the soda!
Eureka! Another elementary
proof of the Goldbach conjecture!
Okay, i admit people seem happy,
but it's all so...
And that is what's wrong with heaven.
There's no sleaze.
It time snoo-snoo!
Me like snoo-snoo.
Last one to mattress
island, It's alright naked!
Why were we so angry and
jealous back in our universe?
I don't know. It was all so childish.
Look! It's Leela.
I'm sorry you're not happy here Leela.
I'll call you an escalator.
You'll always be my
little purple pumpkin.
You know, Evil, i've loved
and lost so many times
that i was afraid, but i'm not anymore.
I wanna stay here, with you.
If robots can't go to
heaven, heaven can come to us!
All hand abaft!
Army of the damned!
Prepare to board heaven!
Take that, you scummy Kraken.
That'll teach you to
despoil our human booty.
Hello, big beak!
Missed me again!
Arr! Me footcap!
I'll stab ya!
Bender, stop destroying heaven!
Shut up, Doofy, i'm rescuing you!
Leave my living beings alone!
I love them.
Something you, a lifeless
mechanism, would never understand.
He's right, Bender.
Please, Take you little
pink sword and go home.
I did this all pirate
thing attack for you!
wait a second!
Let me see that sword.
Fry, where did he get
this electro matter?
Umm.. is it dry up here?
How could you, Fry?
why did you think i've asked
you not contact other universes?
I.. I didn't think..
No, you didn't. You broke your promise.
And you broke my heart.
Just go, all of you!
I must leave now.
The nature of your universe is burning
me even worse than my gonorrhea.
You should get checked by the way.
If i don't go home now
Let me go with you!
It'll be just two of us,
we'll make a fire and play Uno!
Fray, stop. That's who
we were, not who we are.
My only consolation
is that i did find one
among quadrillions who
truly understands me.
Wait a second, for you and Evil..
That's right, Fry. Thank
you for introducing us!
Evil has taught me what a
narrow-minded prude i was before.
Oh great! So what am
i supposed to do now?
Go home. Find a girl from your own
universe and live on top of her.
Shank you! Ahaha!
Maybe Evil was right.
Maybe i should look
for love closer to home.
I don't know. Hm,
Leela? You think maybe..
Oh please. You forgot me quick
enough when you met Colleen.
How about you, Amy?
Fry, gah! I'm Kiff's fonfon ru.
Are you? Perhaps you misunderstood
the meaning of the term.
It means 'One Who Does Not
Sleep With My Superior Officer'.
That's the literal translation.
Give a poor girl a break, Kif. It's
not like she have a-d*ck-tionary.
She was butt-nagged for God's sake.
So, Wernstrom, did you happen to notice those
mighty cables Bender used on Evil? Pure Diamondium!
More like pure crap-crapium!
No wonder Evil got away!
It's all your fault!
Captain on deck!
At ease, buckoos.
Bender, why did you do it?
We were all so happy.
And we were in love!
That wasn't love!
What? How can you say that?
Because Bender knows love.
And love doesn't shares
itself with the world.
Love is suspicious, love is needy,
Love is fearful, love is greedy.
My friends, there is no great
love without great jealousy!
I love you meatbags!